11th October

You.
Every pounding, pulsating, unreciprocated moment,
every cold, dying second where I am not with you,
it tears me to bits.

You.
You are like the end of a good book, the Tin Man's heart!
You have inspired the strangest things in me!
and yet you insist that we go on, this tango in the moonlight,
Until even the most precise of clockwork is trivialed with inconsistencies.

You.
Against much better judgement, I play this game,
until all the cards are dealt, I dig my hole
you say there is no love felt, I disagree,
I am tired of repeating, I love you, can't you see?!

You; I chase you, against all better judgement,
to the end of a man's faith, till only I; solely,
To hope to hold you in my arms,
my angel; my only.

Losing the battle for power

7th Oct

Fuck this.
Why. Fucking why.
All I need to know.

I can't compete. I'm not mr sweet, romantic, I don't do anything that fangirls squeal about for weeks to come.

Fuck this, why won't I just flicker out of existence?

Losing the battle for power

6th Oct: whoop-de-doodly-fuckin-do

Okay, let's get this straight.
Yesterday=AWESOME
Today=SUCKAGE

So, she's found someone else. AGAIN.
Fuck, I swear at this rate, I'll be at this game of tag for an eternity.
Or worse, we'll get together 5 seconds before we have to break up cus we can't stand long distance.

But Hann, since you're reading this,
love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you.



Losing the battle for power

28th September: Empty shadows, insecurities, the like.

pfft.

no response? good.

Let's face facts.
I don't take your breath away
I don't make your heart race
I don't create grand gestures
Hell, I don't even get you WMDs.
I don't make you grin like a lunatic
I don't charm you in any way
I don't in any way make time stand still around you.

Let's face it, my touch doesn't make you shiver.
I don't in any way make you feel like you're the only person in the world.

When it comes to other people, it's like the world is covered in deep fog, I am just a shadow flitting in the mist. People walk by, even through me.

Nothing really matters in the end, I guess.
Losing the battle for power

27th Sept; part 3

Wow, what an eventful day.

How long will I keep this charade up?
He's crazy for her, she's crazy for him,
fuck this, I'm going skydiving.

My hand are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you
- Sondre Lerche, my hands are shakin.

I know the common thing to say is "MOVE ON FUCKTARD"
that's probably true.
But almost everyone around me is shallow, decadent, pretentious.

Just don't see it anymore.
Maybe this is how my life will play,
a game of tag; chasing you like night and day.

I won't ever pretend to know.
Until then, I shall flicker in and out of existence,
I shall stand on the line between life and death, and wait for a breeze to come and blow me one way
Losing the battle for power

27th sept, part 2

Apologies for the really short post. Was distracted by futile hopes and meaningless dreams.
Now that your host is back to surreal not-too-normal self, back to the monologues.

Honestly, I think everything I do is for nought.
'happy returns'. pfft. my ass.
I mean, seriously. Everyone around me. EVERY FUCKING ONE.
okay, that's a little overboard, deep breaths, happy place.

I dunno, k? It's just...
I understand the situation completely. It can't happen.
But what if I want it to that badly?

Would reality and fate unwind just a little to let me through?
pfft, you wish.

Let's slam it down on the cold and grey here:
It's not gonna happen, with her or ANY other carbon-based lifeform, for that matter.
I exist outside the system. Miracles don't exist in my world.
As long as I am in my horrid loop, they never will.



Losing the battle for power

27th September

Ha, so long since I've had an update.
How to say this, I think I really need to get laid.


Fighting the battle for power