21/4/09

Meh. Been away for a while. Between Rocket building, PRS Camp, and a bunch of other random crap, I've just had no mood to study. Seriously.

Called her today. She was making out with him and still picked up the phone.
My fault for being the concerned friend? possibly.

I don't get these humans. True, I am one. But I digress.

I offer my help and I'm thrown away the second you're done.
When it's time to return the favour, you don't bother.
When I am nice enough to forgive, you shun me.

Maybe being nice doesn't have an advantage. Maybe humanity just cant be saved. Maybe I should just join the crowd, or fade back where I belong.

Hopefully, in my final hours, I find out I'm not part of this damned species. It would soothe my troubled soul so much that I don't have to be one of them.

"When one window of oppurtunity closes, another opens. Often we are so busy mourning the first window we let the other get away,"

I tried looking for the other door, really. But so far, all you've taught me is that nothing is certain in this world but Death and Taxes.

Just came up with interesting thought. May postpone suicide, Big Man just inspired me.

Fighting the battle for power

April 7th

Humanity has lost it's flare.
I was a fool to believe any one person could ever truly be loyal.
It seems childish, but hell, I've lost the will to give a damn.

The pavement is our final resting place, the great and the poor alike.
In our final hours, no one person can remain 'civilised'.

All people are the same. None greater, none worse. Their empty promises are like empty buckets, only help you stay afloat.

The road of decency has lost meaning. When the tide comes in; I will make sure all those who make their empty promises are taking in water.

And as they look up, wondering what happened to the pushover, I shall gladly stride across water and laugh.

Fighting the battle for power

Am's Journal: 12/3/09

Got to hold her one last time.

Of course, life has it's price. I had to bear with annoyances and him.

However, today shall not be about him.

I remember a day when I used to sit around with scumbags like these every other day of the week.

Trying to intimidate.
Bringing down those who tried to go against them.

But I've seen them for what they are.

Cowards.
Pathetic pond scum, on the shoe of a man.
A fungus, with no real roots.
Not lethal, just annoying.

I can assure you that one day, their mistakes will be their last.
For when the clock strikes midnight, they will strike the ground.

Fighting the battle for power

Am's Blog: 9/3/09

How does it feel?
When you have your hands around her, does it feel good?

I am a walking shadow of the past, not to be noticed or given a second glance at.
Although it is neither of our faults, I must admit my jealousy.
I guess some people can have it all.

____________________________________________________________________

Do you know I cry myself to sleep sometimes?
Not being able to hold you, not being able to even see you at times.

I am reminded of how I lost you every day.
You are so happy with him, I barely have the heart to do it.

But I don't think I can live any longer without you.

I miss your warmth against mine, I miss your scent that would leave me on a high for a short while. I'm turning into something I don't like, and I think only you can stop it.











Fighting the battle for power

What's it feel like to be a ghost?

In reference to the above topic.

How does it feel, to be human?

To gladly feel a part of this existence, to be able to get the most of life.

How does it feel to be happy?

Does the surge of emotion last, or is it similar to the feeling of being blown apart?

Flooding at first, but eventually fades like paint on a house.

Yet could it be this little wisp of bitterness, this drop of corruption, this non-existant writer, has found reason to live?



Fighting the battle for power

What you can't have

My life is a mess.

Honestly.

She broke up with him, i know what you're thinking, "score!"

Well it didn't work. At all. And now the cat's out of the bag.

The fact she's accepting enough to keep me even though she knows about The Plan isnt helping. Only makes me love her more.

And i know if i love her enough, i should fight for her. But she got back together with him, and they're as happy as ever.

So what has become of our poor hero, you ask? Simple, he sits alone, dying inside.

Fighting the battle for power

Screw this year.

Well, you've lasted a year

Shut up.

What?

Why do you taunt me?

Taunt you? I don't taunt you, you do this to yourself.

True. All the listening, naturally, it isn't the way to go. But it would fit perfectly with The Plan.

What's on your mind?

I dunno, it just sucks. I mean, I want to do it. I want to show her, I'm grown up, ready to take charge again. Problem is, i missed my train. She's gone.

But she's happy.

I know! thats what sucks. She's happy. I'm torn. I don't want to be selfish and tear her from being happy just for me to find out I don't really love her, but at the same time I do want her very very much.

You know, she might just be reading this, right?

Yeah, but screw it. I don't think it could possibly get much worse.

Okay, I lie. There is one worse thing

He could be the one to last

Dude, you're fucking messed up. Choose what you want to do. Take a side, shun the other side. STB won't work if you're still doing this.

I feel numb

Fighting the battle for power