25th July

Well, it's that time again.
The time where you've got alot on your mind and no one gives a fuck enough to listen out.

Funny, huh?
If they say life's a wheel, then that's one fuckin' huge wheel and one fuckin' slow motor.
I've seen galapagos turtles die of old age faster.

To constantly be weighed down listening to others, yet when you're bothered, they immediately go, "so?"

Not to say I don't wanna hear your problems, just sayin, mind givin me a listen for a change?

I swear, I hate being alone.
No one to lean on when i'm depressed,
no one to say, "hey, you can't make an omelet without breakin' a few eggs, y'know?"
no one to have faith in me when I myself don't.

spending the night of big parties in a quiet room, looking through the shadows of my past.
I mean, my self esteem is pretty dented as it is. Sucks not being, "mr attractive" or even "mr funny".

Sucks even more watching people LIVING LIFE while I waste it entirely, seriously.
I miss the warmth of a hug,
the sweetness of a stolen kiss,
hell, I miss a sincere "good morning" for fuck's sake.

Now, I'm either just a fuckin feeling atm, or a shadow on the bathroom wall people talk to but never really acknowledge.

Or let's just face it.

In the face of ultimate defeat, everyone goes a little insane

Fighting the battle for power

I hate you, and you, and you, not you, though, I LOATHE you.

For therapeutic reasons, I shall not monolouge this time. Instead, this shall simply be a list on all the things I hate. So this is my post, of hate.

Wan Amirul Hates...
Not doing well in school
Studying
Not being understood
Being shunned
being assumed to be something
forgetting what he wanted to do
failed plans
not doing plans
work
being alone
All of the people I am not at liberty to mention
Never being able to get what I want
Pretentious people
Unrealistic people
Being confined
Being bored
feeling left out
having to write something out
it when his pens run out of ink simultaneously
it when his brother finishes his food
it when he isn't able to do what he wants
materialism
capitalism
a force of power I am not at liberty to discuss
waiting
being helpless
reality
'Microphone wave in failure'
mortality
immortality
lack of respect
form 1s. Spare a select few
Mixed signals
being taken for a ride
ungrateful asses
being treated like an object
forgetting
time limits
greed
being showed up
you
you
you

Seeing that I'm the only one alone
the truth
liars
theives
rempits
smokers
drug addicts
discriminating fucktards
School.



Fighting the battle for power

23rd June

What a lively month. So many posts. I remember I had something cheery to write this morning, but I shall try my hardest to retain that spirit before I remember the REASON I made a blog called 3/4 glass empty.

Pfft, democracy my ass.
Pardon that. Just needed to let something out. Well, today was farely reasonably not too much but what the fuck anyways okay.

So many frustrations in life, no?
There's losing.
There's winning and not knowing what to do anymore
there's not being INVOLVED
and then there's it.

That burning feeling when something you want is within your grasp, and then jumps every step you take an inch further.
Don't bother explaining the physics to me and how I'll eventually get it, I know that.

Gahh, I wanna watch Transformers 2 BADLYYYY.
Wow, this post almost makes me seem normal.
It seems I have a habit of making boyfriends uneasy. How deliberately awesome.

I shall have fun with this.

Fighting the battle for power

June 17th

What is it that makes us human?
Is it our will to deter right from wrong?
or our willingness to continuously push forward?
Or what if its the other way around?
To be driven by an animalistic urge to move forward, until we've advanced this far.
Ironic, no? To have become human by being animalistic.

This however, has nothing to do with the reason I'm here today.
Twice in a week, new fuckin record. whoop-de-fuckin-do.

Isn't it funny, to hide behind a mask everyday?
To let everyone see something different about you, never knowing what hides behind the mask. Only in their final hours, a person can show who they really are.
Or when you find out without them knowing.

I wonder, after wearing such a mask for so long, have I forgotten what I am?
Impossible. While others are immersed in self-gratification, I myself am too busy for such things.
After all, this is what this blog is about, no? My twisted perspective of a twisted world.

Everything is meaningless. Only until you truly observe it will it have meaning, and even that is something you inject. So what do you do when you wake up and realise such a horrid realisation?
When you feel the cold world turn beneath your feet, when you feel the very pulse of such a heartless being, when you find out you really are without a doubt just an insignificant semi-speck in the big portrait?

What if you were hit by such a surge of realisation, that there has been no meaning to your life? That even those you hold close are further away than you think, that your goals constantly advance 10 paces everytime you advance one, that there is no one who will look out for you in your darkest hour.

That all's horrible is only bound to end horribly. Consider this a testimonial to my condition, I am sure some expert will make sense of my ramblings as it is nothing other than the thoughts of someone you'll never see, right?

Fighting the battle for power

15th May: Your Song

Funny thing. I help people . Alot.

I fix people's lives, pull them out of the gutter. Most love stories have an ending cus I intervened at some point. Or at least calmed a person down.

But one funny thing persists:

WHERE THE HECK IS MINE?!

Not to be bratty, but hell, this is my blog. I can write whatever the fuck I want.

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of never doing well at anything but failing, I'm sick of being tossed aside the second something good happens, I'm especially sick of never existing. I mean, where the hell did MY life go?

Sure, I'm glad you guys are together, really. But would it kill a guy to have his OWN story once in a while?

I mean seriously, what the fuck?

It's bad enough I can't see you without breaking down, now we're drifting away from friendship, I'm already losing trust in everyone around me

I may be desperate, but hell, it sucks being second fiddle all the time. I deserve for good things to come to me without effort.

Let's face it. I'm the unloved one at the end of the day. Not even a friend will check and reassure me that everything's all right. Frankly, no one cares. If I dissapeared, it would take a week for anyone to realise.

And that's being optimistic.

Stuck in a room, that's all I'll ever be. Even I can tell I'm pissed off, I'm not using my usual long winded monolouges. No.

I don't know what's triggered this. I just *poof*. I mean, just a LITTLE time in the limelight wouldn't be so bad, right?

Fighting the battle for power

1st May.

18 months.

How much can a person change in this time?

Alone, in the dark.

Not even anybody to say, "You'll be alright".

Total blackness.


Fighting the battle for power

21/4/09

Meh. Been away for a while. Between Rocket building, PRS Camp, and a bunch of other random crap, I've just had no mood to study. Seriously.

Called her today. She was making out with him and still picked up the phone.
My fault for being the concerned friend? possibly.

I don't get these humans. True, I am one. But I digress.

I offer my help and I'm thrown away the second you're done.
When it's time to return the favour, you don't bother.
When I am nice enough to forgive, you shun me.

Maybe being nice doesn't have an advantage. Maybe humanity just cant be saved. Maybe I should just join the crowd, or fade back where I belong.

Hopefully, in my final hours, I find out I'm not part of this damned species. It would soothe my troubled soul so much that I don't have to be one of them.

"When one window of oppurtunity closes, another opens. Often we are so busy mourning the first window we let the other get away,"

I tried looking for the other door, really. But so far, all you've taught me is that nothing is certain in this world but Death and Taxes.

Just came up with interesting thought. May postpone suicide, Big Man just inspired me.

Fighting the battle for power