8/6/10 (ACTUALLY)

yeesh. I hate this whole midnight system. Sucks giant balls.

So, metaphorically, I'm floating. In a pool. It feels relaxing. Almost makes me feel happy.

But it gets me to thinking.

Yes. I'm resentful. And bitter. And Harsh.
I'm a bully.
I'm egoistic, largely out for my own gain and I'm also just a little bit of a good liar.

But I'm not a bad person. At least I don't think so.
Does anyone really think they're a bad person?

I digress. I just needed to clean that off my chest before I get to the heavy metal thinking.
Yes, I'm a liar, but never ever doubt it when I say I love you guys. In fact, I'd love to say that in person, but I'm pretty sure you guys would restrain me and interrogate me in means simply inhumane for posing as me.

You guys up there, is this thing on?
Hi. Miss you all. I'm not good at this kind of thing. For some of you, I really do think about you. Always. Just ain't the same, y'know?
I guess the reason things that happen in your childhood affect you better than things that happen now is because it has a larger effect on you then. Children only know a total of, say, Five people in their lives on average, while a teenager can know some 200 by then. So when a person goes, to a teen that's only 0.5% of the people there in their lives but that's a 20% cut of a child's.

Urgh, digressing again.

As much as I can rant, I'm not good at the mushy stuff, so here goes:
An article I once read says that it's healthier to release any negative emotion in you, so I will just have to come out and say it.

I forgive you all, and hope you guys can find it in yourselves to forgive me.

Now, put down the handcuffs, because I need to explain what exactly that was.
For every time I've ever annoyed you, lied to you, hurt your feelings, dissapointed you. Even if you'd forgotten about it, I hope you'd fogiven me for it first.

However, I'm not divine. I'm not gonna go around hugging people and bringing joy and sunshine. Magical thing about hate is that it always grows back. I'm just emptying the tank for now.

But to you special people, including a special mention to Hannah Azlan,
As much as I may lash out at the world around me,
as much as I may dream of running a knife down other people's necks,
you've got a special place right next to my heart.

Losing the battle for power