29/4/11

I'm lonely.

Just a fact. It will blow over, it always does. After all, what good are emotions if they linger forever?

I mean, as of late I still haven't found that someone who would support me through everything, you know?

Can't really blame anyone, y'know. I don't get out as much as I should and I'm forever cursed to this friend zone. And I interpret signals terribly. Just once, I'd like for a girl to just be upfront. "Hey, Am, I like you". then they're free to add on whatever else they want, because it'll be recorded in my mental voicemail while I space out to somewhere far far away.

If I was just in a funk, that'd be cool. my little depressed region of my brain. instead, it starts to show everywhere. my drawings, my activities, blek.

But that's not the end. that's never the end. Those who end, die.

I mean, yeah. It blows to be alone. Every time you complete something grand in your life, every time you hit a low, you pull out your phone... and stare. Every whorentines day, you mourn the loss of your fish and curse that another annoying couple has decided to put up their stupid flowers next to your computer to add insult to injury. Or that you're having dinner alone on a friday night/ slicing apart stalkers and giving them names to make them sound like a gay couple when you prevent one from running away.

I mean, I've survived so far. It's just, if I could tweak a part of my life, that'd be what I tweaked. Even if it didn't change, I'd probably adapt somehow. I always do.

The thought of being with you is an endorphin. I've been told I think too much, but I think the world doesn't think enough. It would be easier to explain another day.

I won't classify this as a HATE rant, but i'm pretty sure it falls into the guidelines of a rant. I also need to get out and meet some friends. sitting at home is driving me up many walls.

It's just how I roll

28/4/11

found my old friendster today. never realized how much had changed in the past 4 years.

I mean, just looking at it. Back then, I was this chipper who just couldn't be brought down. if I was down about something, I'd hide away in a corner and sulk it out. I look back, I don't talk to any of the old people who commented on my profile back then.

4 years later, that little glimmer of hope is still there, just not as apparent. I'm doing what I never thought I'd be able to do, what I only dared to dream of. I've overhauled my entire life, from friends to views.

i've ditched the mustache, become a schemer and made amazing friends.

While you can argue I'm more of a prick now, I can argue that you're an idiot.

so yeah, you can say I'm mostly a new person. And I don't mind it one bit.

It's just how I roll

26/4/11

Bare facts:

I am an asshole.

A grumpy, bitter, eccentric, neophobic, manipulative asshole.

If you've pissed me off before, even if I shut up about it now, 20 years from now I'll find where you live and sock you in the face for it.

Females generally don't like me. Those who do would rather stay in the friend zone.

I suck at art. I'm in a college where art is the main theme.

People die, the sky is blue and you're an idiot.

Pardon, there is a lot going on and my brain is basically on the fritz. I'm happy, but I'm frustrated. tiny little things gnawing out at me.

I know, deep down, I don't know you as well as I should. But I want to change that.

I want to make the effort.

I know, you think you're nothing. But you can be so much more.

But focus on the task at hand first, yea? just let me know whenever you want to be so much more :D

It's just how I roll

18/4/11

I love me.

My camera mysteriously decided to work today, so I made a stop-motion. And like always, I over complicated things and now I have loads of editing to do xP

Being alone, sure. I won't lie and say it doesn't blow. But hell, at least I have something to do. :D

It's just how I (motherfucking) roll

15/4/11

I actually had a special presentation prepared, but fuck it, technology is not on my side this time.

so, sem break has unofficially started and my lungs still hurt from singing Teenage dreams while hanging upside down on the tomahawk and Never Gonna Give you Up on the roller coaster. God dammit, I love my life :P

A new day is dawning on my life. My God Complex may be something I carry with me to my grave, but I think it's for the better. Something to keep me sane, I guess.

I've got more or less 3 weeks to re-discover myself. Try out new things, not drive ashley and alex up the wall, and hopefully repair my gunblade. Dammit, I hate screw-ups.

Junne and Ama are awesome when it comes to picking up the pieces. They won't sit there all day until I'm back in running shape, but they have some pretty good advice. Like not strangling incompetence.

Don't worry, folks, hate rants will always exist. When I'm not spiteful and cruel, who am I?

It's just how I roll

The last you make me suffer.

To be backstabbed is one thing;

but there has rarely been a pain so great as to have been stabbed straight in the chest

to have your eyes gouged out

and your time wasted.

Pillars upon foundations lay in ruin

Obviously, your word meant and never will mean anything

half a decade, thrown into the wind

and the people wonder why the man thrown out a window resents the one who offered him a view.

Your reasons mean nothing. You, mean nothing now.

You walk the streets like everyone else.

I tried to help, I did. I honestly did.

My mistake.

You're more than fine. I'll be fine with time.

But what we had was hanging by a string;

you just lit it on fire and threw it in

This will never be one of those things we can just look back on and laugh.

Not anymore.

The me you knew is gone. You killed him that day.

Another chip on another shoulder

When your false sense of security falls apart, like it always does?

Guess who has your umbrella.

I think you already know what I think about you.

I wasted all that time defending you, and this is all I get for it.

You made 2 promises that it wouldn't happen, one hours before it did.

Truly, this is the mark of a true friend!

Like I said. Don't come crying to me when you realize your world coming apart.

On second thoughts, come to me. I'd love to watch you burn.

It's just how I roll

10/4/11

Some blogging to keep my mind off things.

So I'm staying up to do painting- the bane of my existence. I need to survive this course or I'm screwed.

You're very busy, I get that. That's why I'm so down. It's that I KNOW what's going on, and I can't do anything about it.

Did I mention I really despise being alone? yeah. I do. Just so you know.

Blek. better get back

It's just how I roll

8/4/11

Today was depressing. I'm feeling better now, though. not like breaking stuff any more.

I feel... blank. at peace, any ways.

Owner's Manual to an Amirul (must remember to update this)

a) Fuel

The 2011 series Amirul is highly economic, running on chocolate and sarcasm. Sleep is a less prominent fuel source, as the 2011 series is now capable of running on minimal slee

( will update as necessary)

It's just how I roll

what I like about you.

This gets me thinking. Why I like you.

My relationship history is fucked up: A lie and the most selfish person on the planet. I ain't gonna lie, I'm not the best at them.

My life? messed up. I make erratic decisions one second and suddenly decide to make calculated decisions the next.

You've got your head screwed on straight, but you don't. Get it? Good, me neither.

It's like, You're stable for the most part, but you have so much potential for when you finally come down to my level. There's just no telling with you.

I guess I'm drawn to that.

You have your own rules on the world, that says so much about you that I'm drawn to.

Blek, I'm lonely inside.

It's just how I roll