Hyperventilation.

Don't you just hate everything falling apart?
You rush to each side of your little log cabin, but ultimately get crushed in the rubble.

It's a small issue, that would be optimistically speaking.
But what if she finds out?

what if she likes them better?

oh crap. I should have packed the backup plan.

Losing the battle for power

18/5/10

I dare you to love me.
To close your eyes,
to open your mind,
feel it; where does it come from?

I dare you to think about it.
Who has seen it all?
every single one, come and gone,
who knows everything but holds nothing against you?

I dare you to hold me.
Like every time I've ever held you,
to see me as integrally as I see you,
do you hear it? our hearts?

I dare you to look back.
Look back at us,
everyone else saw it.
Why not you?

But then again,
your dissaproval is on your face.
After all,
I'm only Mr Second Place.

Losing the battle for power

16/5/10

word of the day is hate.

I hate not being able to study, I hate being so stupid. It's like, even if I try to work at it, I never actually improve or anything.

I hate being so empty inside. I'm scared to let you see who I am. I don't want to scare you away. I really don't.

I hate the fact that I'm back in my own little bubble. It's like I can't find anyone without them having been from my world.

I hate never getting any. There. I said it. I'm a teenager, dammit. I enjoy the sweet smile from across the room, but still. Just that little confirmation that I could if I wanted to would be nice.

I hate love. All it does is let you down over and over and OVER again. It's like that magic potion that seems to work for EVERYONE ELSE. It will pick you up ocasionally, but that's only so it can drop you from a higher place. I hate how everyone else leads their happy lives because 'at the end of the day I see you smiling and that's all I need'.
When is it my turn?

It's been 3 years. Maybe it is time I move on. After all, he's so perfect, I'm sure you wouldn't miss me.
Correction; I would move on if I could.
But the important question: where would I go?

urgh. I wish I could just be better than I am now. Maybe be that amazing person people praise me for being. If only, eh?




Losing the battle for power

13/5/10

Don't you just hate those moments where you're annoyed for no reason?
I can't seem to find a reason why. Everything seems too petty to be the cause of my annoyance.

Urk.
The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get.

12/5/10

So, let's get it straight.
Having to pull out of camp kinda bothers me. Your guesses were spot on, but I guess I have to hold my breath and hope for it to happen.

Don't you just hate it when someone dissapears out of your life for a while?
I wonder what you're up to.

Okay, no more time to blog, I have to boot myself into high gear.
Ciao for now

Losing the battle for power

5/5/10

I have so much to say, and nothing at all.
I'd like to believe I'm being well accepted at the moment. I've learnt to co-exist, I guess.
But I'd like you to know, as much as things change, they also stay the same.

The thought of you leaving would kill me, I hope you know that.
I'm sorry if I neglect you
or accidentally push you away.
A new life is overwhelming, but forever will you stay?

3/5/10

What was that weird stare you gave me?
I wonder.

To sum it up, I hate being lonely.
I hate how I can love you so much, and not get an ounce of reciprocation.
Now now, let's not digress from your new pathways.

Urgh.

Losing the battle for power