16/5/10

word of the day is hate.

I hate not being able to study, I hate being so stupid. It's like, even if I try to work at it, I never actually improve or anything.

I hate being so empty inside. I'm scared to let you see who I am. I don't want to scare you away. I really don't.

I hate the fact that I'm back in my own little bubble. It's like I can't find anyone without them having been from my world.

I hate never getting any. There. I said it. I'm a teenager, dammit. I enjoy the sweet smile from across the room, but still. Just that little confirmation that I could if I wanted to would be nice.

I hate love. All it does is let you down over and over and OVER again. It's like that magic potion that seems to work for EVERYONE ELSE. It will pick you up ocasionally, but that's only so it can drop you from a higher place. I hate how everyone else leads their happy lives because 'at the end of the day I see you smiling and that's all I need'.
When is it my turn?

It's been 3 years. Maybe it is time I move on. After all, he's so perfect, I'm sure you wouldn't miss me.
Correction; I would move on if I could.
But the important question: where would I go?

urgh. I wish I could just be better than I am now. Maybe be that amazing person people praise me for being. If only, eh?




Losing the battle for power