10/5/11

I really hate life sometimes. it blows.

That little voice in your head that's whispering a million and one stupid ideas and you know the truth behind them, but don't want to accept them.

This is basically the same problems as yesterday's post, just dragging on. I really, really just can't accept such a firecracker-less end to what could have been fantastic. I refuse to accept it.

And yet this snarky little asshole in my head knows what's going on.

I'm always bound to some level of rationality, so I want to abandon that right now. Don't judge me. assholes and dumbfucks.

But seriously, what is it with my negative magnetism to any form of romance? Why is it no matter how hard I work, how much I try, it just never works? And I don't mean broken relationships, I don't even GET that fucking far.

I know, a relationship isn't everything, but I'd just like my turn for a fairytale. Instead, I'm the one who has to always deal with the harsher sides of reality, but never gets the bits that make it all worthwhile.

this really just sucks gigantic monkey balls. I try. Really, I do.

I'm so sick of always spending my weekends doing virtually nothing. I'm so sick of always liking and never being liked in return. I'm so sick of my own code getting in my way.

Hell, I'm sick of reading all these lovey messages and knowing it'll never happen to me. I'm really sick of having all these amazing plans just fall apart. I'm AMAZINGLY sick of always being "that dude I ALMOST could have been. Thank god"

Sometimes, I just wanna scream. I just wanna pick up the nearest chair and fling it into a window. I just want to grab a guy by the collar and sucker punch him.

But knowing me, any plans to do either will fuck up.

Is it so wrong to just not want to feel so lonely all the time?

Fuck you, you, and you.