30/5/11

Well, this sucks.

So it's pretty clear you kinda want me on the ejector seat. Perfectly understandable, I guess. I mean, I'm a train wreck. I'm so afraid of attachment that I build barriers between me and everyone else. My imagination runs so wild that I go into phases of paranoia. In fact, my very conclusion is based only on the belief that short answers always mean something is amiss.

I think this is one of those times anger is the only thing that will let me go for a while.

But do tell, WHY.

I mean, I try. Honestly, I do. I REALLY wanted this to work between us. I tried harder to keep you in my life than anyone else. Every single one of my actions was thought out again and again just in case this would happen. In other news, I guess my planning isn't as great as it could be.

I mean, throw me a bone here. I know people who just fake a foreign accent and just about everyone is in love with them. I, on the other hand, move fucking CONTINENTS and even have gone so far as to go against my own code and I get a "let's just be friends, okay?". and this isn't the only time. It seems every time I decide I should stop being so cynical and try to go after some better things in life, I get my hopes smashed and my spine bootkicked down a spiral staircase followed by a loud NO SOUP 4 U. WHAT THE FUCK MAN.

I'm not even asking for much. I don't go talking about looking for 'my soulmate' or my 'one true love' because frankly, fucking SANTA CLAUS has a higher drop rate. I mean, it's like the world is just ganged up against me trading hyper combos to hit me with. All I wanted was to have someone believe that no matter how cold I am to most people, there was still a bit of a good person in me. Or have some reason to stick around, I dunno. But even that level of understanding is apparently too much for me, apparently I deserve a lot less.

I'm not even asking for gushy fb messages. Fuck, I don't care if my status isn't even changed. I've seen those couples. they suck. out loud. They're weak.

It doesn't matter if we only see each other every other weekend, or once a month, but you know? just a pulse.

Clearly, I ask for too much. My demands are unrealistic. Fuck you, world. Fuck that it's always the stupid shallow couples who prosper, fuck that I'm always forced to be surrounded by them, fuck that I magnetically repel with catapult force any and every female, fuck that I have yet to find my redeeming qualities and finally, fuck that the world is so full of disappointments. That is all. Bitches.

It's just how I roll