8/3/11

where is my place in the world?

Apparently, I'm only ever lovable when I shouldn't be and everything I'm on can disappear in a blink. I am to be kicked when I am down, to be pushed off my high horse whenever I am on it.

My bridges are to be shattered, my hopes and dreams incinerated. And then I find out my high horse is upside down.

I'm not mad, I'm just... down. The kind where I wanna mope around and be inactive. /sighs.

=EDIT=

I mean, it's not that i'm mad at you or anything. good on you, you told the truth. You didn't lead me on and later off a cliff. But more than 6 months of planning down the drain, just like that? This is bullshit!

I'm sick of being the spectator. I want my turn, and I want it now. I don't want to be second banana to anyone, I don't want to be the silent supportive one. For fuck's sake, why is everyone just repelled by me? I TRY to be nice, and instead while the world goes off having fun together I'm crammed in my room at night without anyone to even share a sweet moment with.

I despise it. I mean sure, occasionally being single has its moments, but I can't keep relying on every week meeting someone who's up for a little fun, because I haven't done it anyways.

While everyone retreats to their loved ones to call late at night or join for lunch, I appear to be the only person who's only company is the folk of hell to eviscerate. Where is my turn? Where is it?

I know I'm not THAT bad a person, I know worse who still get more action than me.

I'm just saying, a little reassurance every now and again, you know? Instead of getting trolled all day and screwed all night.

but then again, that's life, eh? I'm supposed to sit through coupley mushey crap so that when it's finally my turn, God pulls the plug on this desolate rock. Or worse, I just die one of those people who always chases love, but dies never coming near it. Pathetic.

It's just how I roll