12/11/10

Typical. Just typical.

The world gets it's happy ending, except me. Of course.

It's only fair, I guess. not like I deserve one, anyways.

So as brilliantly as I pretend to fit in with the world, when it's a couple's only song playing, guess who's out there all alone?

I'll give you a hint.

It's me.

YES, it's childish to be upset just cause of this. But c'mon. My life has been one screw up after another. Just having a person I know deep down who could always pick up the pieces and put me back together, I'd say I deserve at least that much.

But of course, no. Whatever psycho plan God has laid out for me next, whatever fucking misadventure is next, it requires I be miserable and lonely. cus that's how He rolls.

I mean, at least give me someone to say "at least i'm not THAT person". but NOPE. It's all me this time.

Everyone will be looking at ME, going "Oh sayang, I love you so much, I was almost THAT, can you believe that?"

"No, I love you too much to believe that. NO ONE deserves to be THAT. Except for THAT. maybe THAT deserves worse"

cue snare drum. laughter.

I wish I'd at least be good at something. So far, I'm a failure at EVERY. FUCKING. THING. I. DO.

Everyone's got their fairy tale. A knight in shining armor to come save their asses from the ugly unloved dragon. Who am I? I'm the dragon's crap. I dont even get a mention.

Let's face it. I'm never anyone's number 1. the security of being someone's only one eludes me. Why? I deserve it, apparently. cus I'm not a nice person. I mind my own business (OHEMGEE) I make my own snarky comments and keep them to myself (THENERVE) and enjoy geeky things like aliens and robots (ABOMINATION).

Everyone's so happy in love. I hate it. I want it to be MY TURN.

NOT as a sidekick. MY. FUCKING. TURN.

I'm tired of being the lonely person on fb on a friday night watching everyone exchange their love notes. I'm tired of having no one to message when I'm being held at knifepoint during family events. I'm tired of never being able to get physical romance.

And I am most definitely, without a doubt, sick and tired of doing SO MUCH work, and getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR IT.

Or even worse, being called a fucking DISAPPOINTMENT for it.

just how I roll