As days draw on, it becomes more apparent the gravity of things.
Sometimes I wonder why my mom cant hear me. Hmm... an experiment:
NO. I DONT WANT TO FUCKING GO ANYWHERE. I DONT WANT TO SIT AROUND, MILES FROM HOME, WATCHING YOU STRESS OUT ABOUT UNECESSARY THINGS. I DON'T WANT TO NOT EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY FRIEND BEFORE SHE LEAVES, I DON'T WANT TO BE OFF ON SOME 'CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE' CRAP. I'D RATHER STAY HERE, AND LET'S FACE IT, SO WOULD EVERYONE ELSE.
So there.
It just frustrates me that when Yan goes, chances are, I'll be fucking stuck in fucking KUCHING. WHY. I'd want to at least see her off at the airport. I know I've not been the best person at handling reality (how many things have I broken because of reality? I lose count) but still, I don't want to go on thinking that I'm the only person not there.
Yes, family first, but still. This isn't primary school. I won't be able to call up her parents and ask when she's ever coming back. A friend leaving the country is something I wouldn't want to just read about on facebook. Especially if she's someone I've had the honor of seeing almost everyday.
Maybe this is misguided ventilation. I want to yell at something. I'm all out of fruits to chop up. I'm all out of zombies to shoot. And to top it all off, I think I have to be up early in the morning.
I don't know, the odds of you coming back and 'visiting Amirul' being on your top list of priorities is too small. It's too far in the future. It's something so out of my reach, even a megalomaniac of my stature can't place money on it.
Not knowing. It's not a pleasure to me.
You leaving. I guess I'll have to accept it and move on.
Not gonna be easy, but yeah.
I don't know. You mean alot to me. I know I rarely show it, and that I always make insensitive gestures. Or show rarely any concern towards anything.
and although i've made light of a lot of things, I've never liked being alone. But don't let it bum you out, kay? Enjoy yourself out there. Don't worry about any of us, we'll hold down the fort.
It's just how I roll
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