8/11/10

This post is a vent. Much angst will come out of it. You have been warned.

I'm tired of being a failure. A disappointment to everyone. I TRY and TRY, but nothing ever comes out of it.

Also, to the fucker who just lit a firecracker outside, you're dead now. I will personally slice your head in half.

I hate how one failure affects everything, including my ability to perform in future. It's stupid.

I don't know why. I just feel pressed. Very VERY stressed.

I learn the hard way my body is a perfectionist by design. With very bad coping mechanisms. Rather than be inspired by failure to do better, failure seems to just mean 'give up and die'. This is not good.

I just realised my track record is not very good either. I'm a giant waste of potential. Bra-fucking-vo.

I know you mean the best, but everytime one of my adoring friends tells me I can do better, it translates to 'I'm disappointed in you, fucktard'.

-Depressed-

It just seems to me, that I had that ONE high point in the year where I could study. Then it stopped. I could do ANYTHING, and now it's gone. Fuck.

It's just how I roll