28/2/10

For now, I'm not looking for anything big.
just one of those moments where you know everything is where it should be.

sigh,
I have to stop watching so many romantic movies. It messes up my perception of reality

Losing the battle for power

24/2/10

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? (Hamlet, V.i)

Today's post is to remember the way things are. Remember that no matter what narcotic you're on, things will not change.

So yeah, take a nice good soak in the pit. It'll last forever.

Losing the battle for power

22/2/10

Today's post is a shoutout to a very special person, who had enough confidence to leap at an oppurtunity. Good on ya, sport.

Proud of you always

18/2/10

Everyone seems to have had that moment where 'at this point in time, nothing matters anymore. I'm just that happy'.
Oddly enough, I think I've only had that moment once, with the majority of moments being "At this point in time, nothing matters anymore. I'm so sad, it's not even worth it to complain anymore"

If ever I was, I think I have lost my special :(

Losing the battle for power

Overdue gratitude

Yesterday, I recieved shocking news that one of my old teachers had moved on. May his soul rest in peace, and my prayers are with his family and friends.

I can honestly admit, I didn't know the last time I saw you, you would just be poking over the balcony. I can still remember the classes you taught us in std 4, science and Bm. How you paraded a goat around the school.

I just wanna let it out that any curses I made back then, I don't mean them. Maybe then I did, but I hope they had nothing to do with what happened to your.

The truth is, you were my teacher. My mentor. You were there at such a raw age of my life, that I owe alot of who I am to you. You may have treated me rough, but you also showed amazing compassion. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for you.

Another teacher I guess I should pay tribute to has passed on for quite a while. I guess I never really said anything, but while my belly's exposed, I may as well let it out.
I'll admit, you got on my nerves several times.
not the nicest thing to say, but I'm being honest. You were an amazing teacher. I can still remember how you taught us that life is what you make of it. Your lessons were never forgotten, sir. I still remember your little success tips and assignments.

Both of you, if you can read this, or if you can see into my heart right now, I want you to know I'm glad you are all at peace and that I want you to know I'll always carry your life lessons with me.
"Live your life as a traveller"

It's not just teachers, I guess, who deserve to know my deep-thoughts.
I can still remember, back when I was four, what was then and until today still is the most devastating event to happen to me.
My aunt passed away. That was my first encounter with death. I still remember crying every time I thought of it. today, I can still say that hasn't changed. I just want to let you know i'm sorry I never got to know you better. The little I know of you was mostly the time we spent together, and I don't have much of your imparted wisdom today with me.
I can still remember my other aunt telling me once, how proud of me you'd be and to always keep you in my heart. I can honestly say I will keep to that. And one day I'll have the strength to find out what took you away from me.

My last, but not least, of farewells is to my late friend, another lost oppurtunity to get to know someone. Again, I am sorry I never got to know you better, even though at times you did me. You were always in a glass 3/4 full, I guess in contrast to me. Even now, the only words I have to remember you by are a prime example of it.

I guess deep down, everyone's a teacher. Everyone leaves impressions on each other. Some fade, some stay. those of you still with me today, I want you to know how much I really care for you.
I guess in pursuit of one thing, you lose yourself. But in losing yourself, you find yourself too.

Before I step into the abyss where I will undoubtedly lose myself, I think I should just say my goodbyes first

Confronting my innermost thoughts

Hell day.

Hate it. Hate-the0effin-it.

Why cant life ever resemble dreams more?
more importantly, why cant my romantic life have a negative terminal? (attract positive charges)

everyone else has their perfect little fantasies, what about me? dont I deserve one?
cant something ever work out for me? or must it always self-destruct??


Losing the battle for power

12/2/10

Did you ever have one of those days where nothing worked out for you?
yeah?
take a number, pal

Losing the battle for power

12/2/10

With the big day coming around, I guess it's time to answer the big question: What is love?

Love is giving up every ounce of happiness for the rest of your life.
Love is giving everything, and getting nothing.
Love is looking forward to something you know will bring you down

Love is peeling off your own skin
Love is every broken glass, every tightened noose
Love is that thing that's always there, but never mentioned.

Love is that way of life
love is the scent of her hair in the morning,
that smile that greets you
that warm feeling on my neck as time stands still
and then finding out she's in love with someone else
but never caring.
Love is all those wasted tears,
holes in walls,
dissipating effort.

because that's love.

Losing the battle for power

90210

Oceans roared,
the winds howled,
His great wings folded as he replaced his velvet robes with his tattered and torn ones.

All around, those who wailed and screamed were ripped apart,
limb for limb, they were descended upon,
curiously ripping through their insides as if searching.

They whispered amongst themselves,
like insects over the fresh corpse
When He walked through, no one dared to ask about it.

They knelt with their offerings,
each one was swatted aside,
with the price of failure being paid as they were ripped apart by the tides of the rapids

As he looked on, lightning bolts rained down and water came scarcely.
There was no water here. The only water was in the rapids, and everyone who came close was torn as water rammed through their brittle bones.

No one complained here.
Their teeth were red, for they drank the blood of others to quench their thirst.
No one spoke against the brutality of it, for anyone who didn't watch out fell victim to the ravenous swarm.

As He looked on, he let out a grin and strode off.


Losing the battle for power

7/2/10

Valentines is comin up, and it's coming only marks another year of loneliness.
Dammit, i need something better to do.
Losing the battle for power

5/2/10

confession time. I feel lonely. i need to get out soon. regardless of the stares.

Losing the battle for power

4/2/9

I think clarity is needed for the present state of things. so here are the facts:
-No, it was not a suicide attempt. I may be self-loathing, but i'm narssicistic enough to not kill myself.
-No. it was not a dare or a competition. I was not trying to be 'heroic' or anything.
-The truth: Have you ever been tired of your life?
everything's exactly the same. same routine, until you can count the time until something happens. Well, that's how I feel, everyday. I'm sorry I worried you guys, but sometimes the only way out ofa routine is to break it


Gravity hurts

3/2/10

seriously guys, i freaking love you all right now. not only do you put up with my stupidity every day, you put up with my barking orders and verbal abuse.
<3

Amirul out

2/2/10

Wow. The smart people have high standards.
Oh well, Amirul. MOVE LIKE YOU GOT A PURPOSE

Hmm. No poetic rant today. Stuck for ideas for the big Vday. Hrrrmm.

Losing the battle for power