Asking for too much?

28/8/08
*somewhere in the recesses of Am's mind*

Am1: Hey, Am Prime; something's a little weird about you....

AmP: *phases out of wooziness* huh? what?

Am2: Asswipe, something's DEFINITELY different about you.

Am1: yea, man whats up? You were so emo the other day and now you're... well...

AmP: what?

Am2: dude, your feet aren't touching the freaking ground

**********************************************

As you can clearly observe, i had a good day. I had lunch with Sharmayn that day, and was floating on air the rest of the day. As readers would commonly notice, no good thing comes without a price.

Im now stuck between two choices: A and B. how the fuck am i supposed to do this?

BTW: 29/8/08: Only a few days left til the old b'day! blehehehehehehe.

A want to be fricking noticed

"No good comes without a price"

hell, this should be more frequently mentioned.

She talked to me today, brightening my day alongside my fairly good marks. All the waiting paid off. However, i was AGAIN stuck waiting.

Factorised into my college resum'e plan are several factors.

> A post in the Librarians B.o.D
> PRS
> A post in the Ed Board
> A post in PBSM
> A spot in Interact

Today was the interview for Interact, and with great distaste i say my time was thoroughly wasted. Screw this, I was stuck for a fricking hour listening to the piece of slag sing. Adding missiles to injury, OFF KEY.

I was fricking there first. However, the resident spectre is never noticed for anything, no matter how hard he tries.
Fricking postponed, my ass.

My demands are simple, dear readers. My one wish is not to be hailed every time i enter the room, however , i simply wish to be acknowledged for my very existence.

I am sure many a reader will agree that no matter how many people you search through, everybody wants the same thing.

Hell, screw them. I am sick of never being noticed. even my own supposed freaking friends don't give a rat's ass. I am simply a pawn of which to be moved, never heard of later in the game.

I don't think half the people i know even know i freaking exist.

I'm being immature, I know. But don't you, dear reader, agree that with all that i've done, i deserve at the very least the acknowledgement of being fricking human?

Dear reader, Dear Lord, my request is simple, and i shall ask my dear readers if they share my thoughts.

wouldn't you freaking like to be a freaking star?

However, again i must remain optimistic. Even though the people i support and go out of my way for dont give a freaking rat's ass, i should be enjoying the loneliness. I've only been with it for a freaking year already.

So far, i have yet to explode. I need some healthy way to blow off all this bent up anger before my birthday.

Not gonna be here tomorrow, quick recap

If this were a stereotypical diary, this would be it:
Dear Diary,
Today was usual.
Am.
However, this is NOT a stereotypical diary, nor is it a diary of any sorts. So *takes out revolver and fires on the diary entry*there.

However, one must look and see that today was just as boring as the entire holidays. However, i have a study partner now as Jian Yi wants to take sample papers with me. Joy.

Just a bonus, i have POPTARTSSS!!! yes yes i do i do i do.

My mom is taking the comp to Melaka tomorrow, so dont expect anymore posts till school reopens.

For randominities sake, i shall quote Blur

First of all, the name's not "Zippy"! As a matter of fact, I don't believe I've
ever met another bot named Zippy, so one can only assume that you came up with
"Zippy" in reference to my speed, which may be technically accurate, but lacks a
certain creativity!

Yes, i am very bored

Apologia

Apologies for the earlier post. As you can see, my life has not been going so well. It would appear that anything i do, no matter how hard i try, something goes wrong.

I need to shoot something. Badly.
Fighting the battle for power

Piece of crap way to start the day

Fucking stupid. She couldnt come because she forgot. MY FUCKI(NGG DAY WAS FYUCKING RUINED WITHIN THE FIRST FUCKING HALF HOUR I FUCKING WOKE UP.EHGUEUIDRYiofuvhfgjuhjFUCKING PISS OFF

sometimes i wonder why God doesnt just kill me and be done with it

TThe following was recorded and written down in the mind of Wan Amirul "hopeless" Adlan

S.Am: So, its been 4 days since the kid's seen her. how long til he cracks?



P.Am: I dunno. Kid's been takin it well in my eyes.



W.Am: Takin it well? what are you? he's freakin gonna burst at any second now!



V.Am: and just for kicks, he's got crap in his face to deal with!



L.Am: Uh, guys.. i think the readers wanna know exactly WHAT's going on.



*Drumrolls* And now, LIVE from The Front Lobe, it's Am's most talked about show, "What the @$#& is Going On!!"



*Applauses from melted clocks and lego men*



Host: hey, how ya all doin?



*cheers*



Host: well, in the past few days, we've seen schools end, pencilcases gone missing and girls STILL not talkin to this poor sap. But don't let me spoil it for you, lets hear it from his personalities!!



*cheers*



Standup: Heya, host. how ya doin?



Host: Awesome.



Standup: Really? you look like crap man!



Host: awh, shut up, man! we got other personalities to inroduce and you're hoggin up the time!



Standup: Least i'm not REALLY a hog.



Host: Asshole. *presses button*



Standup: *mic disconnected*



Host: And next up, Industrialist Playboy and regular sicko, It's Tony!



Tony: Hey, ladies! number on your screen right now. i live next to the 30th Neuron.



Host: so, i heard yesterday you all went off to Eastin for high tea. care to share your views?



Tony: Don't think it's appropriate for kids, bro.

Host: It's k. just go on.

Tony: *phew* did u see it? GIRLS IN FREAKIN SHORT SKIRTS HOW FREAKIN AWESOME WAS THAT?!I MEAN *mic disconnected*

Host: okay, now recently, a new personality stepped into office as president, and we were lucky enough to have him on. Please welcome, Sarcastic Misanthropy!

SM: *wakes up* huh, wha?

Host: Yo, so can you explain whats happened in the past few days?

SM: Yeah. Pencilbox missing, Slag slagging, Hannah emoing and you looking like SHIT for your own talk show.

Standup: Amen!

Host: And that's all the time we have for now, folks! we'll see you again soon!

Almost forgot the prologues

Sometimes, even the greatest ship sinks.
Sometimes, even the most immoral feel remorse.
and sometimes, us ordinary people crash and burn.

was that Grey's Anatomy enough? i really have nothin better to do.

Lately, i've been alone alot. And i mean ALOT. So, its very possible indeed that i talk to myself in a porportionate way as to my alone time.

Do i really lack backbone?

Okay- flashback to 12.10 on 15/8/08.

"Am, you have no backbone"- Hannah.

i mean, OUCH. but maybe it's true.

I am a pathetic romantist with little social life. My 'Friends,' if you wish to refer to them as such, consist of an ex-state champ, three amateur writers and Hannah. Sure, if yuou go into detail, theres also Shiva, Alex, Alex, Zara, Sarah, Sara, Wen Yi, etc....
But out of all of them, how many TRUELY know me?
[Calculating.... please wait...]





....At most, Hannah and Jian Yi. Speaking of the latter, i am dying to see her again.

At most, i can be said to put on a new face for all of em. There's 'Dare to be Stupid' for Dushanth and co., 'Obedient soldier' for Martin, 'Resentful' for Hsing Shan, and the list goes on.

But who sees ME?
The whole person?
ill tell you once i know.

...Crap

screw it
Of all the god-damned luck in the world, she DIDN'T FREAKING COME.
i FREAKING waited for her
AND SHE FREAKING DIDNT COME.

Oh, and in other news, Charzis slowly moving down my pH chart and Hsing Shan hits Rock bottom. yay!

My special emo time

I know i said all that crap about being the heart of Iron, but lets face it- who are we trying to fool here?

We are mankind, condemned to walk the earth plagued by some emotional distress or other.
Some of us choose to make the best of it. Others, however, are consumed by it.
Some of us, have our entire lives devoted to the dessolution of our problems.

I must say, i belong to the latter.

God, at this rate, i can write the opening prologues for Grey's Anatomy.

"The night is darkest just before the dawn," famous quote of Harvey Dent in 'The Dark Knight'. From this statement i gladly hand my clarity, so pardon my saying 'I believe in Harvey Dent'

How much longer am i gonna take this? hmm we'l have to see. Seeing her in the mornings kill me.
It's like a day in Ramadhan, where it's hot and someone has that nice, cold ice lolly right in front of your freaking face.
It's like that sadistic truck joke i always tell Dushanth: your crossing the street when a 4WD drives by, and you narrowly avoid it. Just as you cross the street, a stationary truck decides its not so stationary and hits you in the fricking face.

Hopefully, this will seem more like the Ramadhan and harvey Dent situation and come to a beautiful end.
But the time for waiting has come to an end.
Tomorrow i act

A rebirth of an Old Friend

As of late, something's been wrong.

Everyone's depressed.

Depression is the new craze. The must-have.

Today i realised, i have more potential than that. I can be the outcast. He who stands higher than them all.

I can be the Heart of Iron.

And let all be crushed by it.

(dont expect this to last long)

-Heart of Iron

Man of Iron

What is the measure of a man?

Is it the spirit in his heart?

Or the fruit of his labours?

Listen, gathered readers, to the unheard tale of an unheard soul. Many were his deeds, yet you may read them with credit to someone else.

This man, or boy, not only rose against all odds, but also took the greatest hit of all: ungratitude.

It seemed all so simple. A simple 'thank you' would suffice. But apparently, it doesn't matter.

well Bahumbug. i shouldnt be asking for gratitude. all i wanted was the world to be right for a change.

Just wish that for once, Hannah would turn around and stay with me when i say, "Hsing Shan, you worthless piece of slag, shut the bloody fuck up before you replace Huzaifah"

Amirul's little rant

Love, a four letter word.
It's as diverse as species of spider.
There is true love, where both parties are almosthead over heels for each other,
There is physical love, where actions speak louder than words
There is silent love, where words nor actions matter.
But while everyone has their own love story, what of us?
what of those who never have their cute meeting?
those who never get to say those three magical words?
yes, my friend, finally, there is unrequited love. A kind of which i am a sage.

I mean, we're all equals, right?

maybe it's just not time-- but what if some of us were really created simply not to have romance?
some of us who simply had that chapter forcefully ripped out of our books and thrown in the fire?

Long have i witnessed the hundreds of thousands of significant others pass by, and i think to myself, "why aren't i part of them?''

But perhaps i'm just lonely.

From being isolated for so long, never really seeing the light of true companionship, never seeing the warmth of another's true joy upon seeing me

that could be it.

Not only am i talking about romance, but could i also be a case of unrequited love amongst friends?

that could very well be it.

Let's put a smilee on that face

c'mon, HIT MEH!!

gahh. couldnt do the fight scene cus i had to go out then i forgot my timing.. crap..

Random Survey!

Name: Wan 'weirdo' Amirul Adlan
Siblings: 1 sister, older, 1 brother, younger.

Shoe size: 8/9
Height: 5 foot 5 inches. gravitationally challenged
Where do you live: Malaysia
Favourite drinks: COOOKEEEEE.
Favourite breakfast: SAUSAGE MC MUFFIN
Have you ever...
Been on a plane: mmhm
Swam in the ocean: lookie all teh fishies.
Fallen asleep in school: and proud of it
Broken someone's heart: Probably
Fell off your chair: damn you gravity
Sat by the phone all night waiting someone to call: yes.
Save e-mails: some
What is your room like: A big empty space with a 6 foot high bed
What is right beside you: Camera, Phone.
What is the last thing you ate: McD's.
Ever had
Chicken pox: when i was 7
Sore throat: One word: Marching
Stiches: Heavens no
Broken nose: maybe i will in the process of getting Huzaifah in a headlock
Do you
believe love at first sight: Possible but illogical. Sex appeal at first sight, HIGHLY
Like picnics: ah, perfect day... sitting in the park with the person you love just watching the skies and eating..
Who was the last person
you danced with: if im not mistaken, my mom... if not, Vivian.
Last made you smile: Zara. i wanted to show her my new Joker-themed Braces!
You last yelled at: The people in the PAS
Today did you
Talked to someone you like:no
Kiss someone: My mother?
Get sick: affirmative
Talk to (AN) ex: yes. and get blown off, too
Miss someone: yeah.
Eat: kinda
Best feeling in the world: That feeling at the top of a rollercoaster where you think your invincible.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: they wouldn't survive the fall
Whats under your bed: A couch.
Who do you really hate: Honestly, people? SYED MUHAMMAD HUZAIFAH.
What time is it now: 3.44 AM
Random:Is there a person who is on your mind now: Yes.
Do you have any siblings: Yes, Sophie.
Do you want children: i know i like the process and the guy's role in it
Do you smile often: Lets put a smile on that face..
Do you like your hand writing: okay i guess.
Are you(r) toe nails painted: NOT GAY PEOPLE
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep: any girls bed as long as shes next to me.

Colour shirt are you wearing now: brown
What are (were) you doing at 7 pm yesterday: Com
I can't wait till: Tomorrow.
When will you cry last: Don't know.
Are you a friendly person: once you get past the pessimism and schitzophrenia,
Do you have a pet: Aria, tortoise, Kerepek, shark and Bandaraya, Pelco.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?:
She sits next to me in class.
Do you sleep with the TV on?: heheh yea
What are you doing right now? Doing this survey.
Have you ever crawled through a window?: yes and id do it again
Can you handle the truth?: Most times.
Are you too forgiving: to the point im a pushover.
Are you close to your father and mother?: yup.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: dunno
5 things i was doing 10 years ago:
.5 things on my to-do list today:-
5 things I would do if were a billionaire:-
5 of my bad habits:- 5 places I have lived in (in ORDER):- Sri Hartamas - Taman Tun Dr Ismail- Damansara Indah- Damansara Utama- Li Villas, Section 16

Welcome August

Well, isn't this a gem. 31 days till the old b'day.

Yesterday was particularly interesting. Hannah and i had a talk about what vehicles ppl would be personality-wise. Now, this was a particularly fun list.

1. Hannah - Sleek motorcycle. Obviously for the streamline shape and speed even though it boasts no 'big features' xP sorry hann!
2. Alya Omar - Shinkansen (or however the hell you spell it) train. Loves going other places, at home in japan
3. Hsing Shan - Kancil. Irritating to everyone on the road, even when parked, yet still loved by some.

Yet somehow, Hann categorised me with some poetic sweetness that actually touched me

4. Am - Proton Car. Has a huge crumplezone, destroys entire car without harming the driver

oh and just for kicks, Datin Naily - Rolls Royce. Pure Datin-ness!

Now, on to today. I didn't go to school today for the first time ever this year. Perfect record = KABOOM.

I kinda regret it. Hann says that my philosophy of me being unable to leave class for 5 MINUTES without hakim and firdaus hitting on her remains true. But back to me, (sorry couldnt resist the touch of egomania there)

Well, she freaked out, apparently.

AND NOW, A SPECIAL PRESENTATION, DIRECT FROM THE TWISTED DREAMS OF AM'S HEAD AND HOSTED BY THE 4 AMS, IT'S THE MASTER PLAN

Am4: Welcome folks! as you can see, most of the other Am's have gone to bed, leaving me, his common logistics, all alone to host it.

*Applause*

Am4: Now, as you can see, she's going through a natural phase. It goes somethin like this:

Shock> Panic> Denial > Acceptance

So, theoretically speaking, it should be alright to come out of hiding by Monday. or next year.

Anyways, i kinda slept through the entire would-be-schoolday. Later, i went for the Fun Night at SKBD, and i learnt somethin new.

I have no friends.

Dont get me wrong, ii DO have friends, but i mean that i have no constant group. I jump from group-to-group. Gah, thats teenagerhood.