2009: Memorandum

So, the year is coming to an end, again.
Which gives me some time to reflect on all the things that have happened in this big year.
For the record, the theme for '09 is: The Unexpected.
Moral of the Year: Nothing is certain in life but Death and Taxes.

We started form 4 this year, which reset everything from previous years. Streaming generally compacted us into several classes.
Typical start to the year, I was completely new to the class, no friends from yesteryears to hang with and the like. At most, some acquaintances.

Started scheming. elaborately.
Of all people that I knew to be brought into my class, I had Affan. Seriously. What. The. Fuck.
It was like (pardon geek references) arch enemies end a season of fighting by both disappearing in a big portal. New season, portal opens in desolate world, first thing they do is get at each other's throats.

Surprisingly, I don't mind his abuse this year. Introduced me to the larger social structure . Took out the naive belief that they were all tightly woven.

Either ways, he left in a week, and I took to hanging around Chang's group. As the days went on, we all had our moments, and we eventually roped Manisha & Melor into what I would love to call a new family. across the year, I started befriending juniors, seniors, even some people from out of this school.

Also, the year brought something special: Victory. Finally claiming first place, after taking down big-giants KRS. I will forever remember climbing up to the pedestal, with Shiva and Dush and getting sprayed like I was in an f1 race. btw:
HELL YEAH I'M BEING A DICK, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SUCK IT KRS
Got a closer look into the social structure thanks to Farah, whom I can genuinely say I formed a form of friendship with.
I also learned to write this year, releasing emotions in verses of crap. In that context, I also took up literature.

This year, I also did alot of unexpected things (as per the theme). Among them being holding a beating heart in my hand, cursing loud enough for a teacher to hear (and getting in trouble for it, too) and going where no man has gone before: Shopping (but more on that later)

That being said, time drew on, with more and more priceless moments. Stock checking, finals, and here. Of course, we all took a major loss this year when we lost a dear friend (or in my case, an acquaintance. I am still sorry we couldn't have at least been close enough to be friends) . It's one of those things that doesn't fade away, but you get used to.

Now, you would have noticed that She isn't mentioned anywhere. So, here is her devoted section:
The year has had it's ups and downs. Of course, you who have been in love stayed in love, and I'm happy that you're happy. We've become better friends than ever this year, to the point where you would trust me enough to pick out your outfits. You've also finally seen the apartment, and met the family.

You were there to celebrate victory with me, you were there for alot of grand moments, usually being the cause for them. I should repay the favour.
All my emotions for you are probably documented in the former posts, but just remember this: I love you :)

all in all, I resolve to maybe be accepted into society more naturally. even if that doesn't happen, screw it.

2009, you were an awesome year. 2010 marks the last year of high school, before stepping out into the adult world.

"If this is the final battle, let's make it one to remember"- GregF. (can't believe I actually talked to the guy)
Team up and join the Battle for Power

22/12

I'm dying without you.
you are so happy where you are now.
I am obliged not to destroy such a balance,
and I have no means to.

I mean, let's face it- you're tired of me, don't deny it. I've seen the wear in your voice at my less-than-polite behaviour, and you have all right to. And to ever hold you again would make a lightning bolt striking me twice more probable.

So much for my hiatus.

Losing the battle for power

Lament of a Lonely Heart

No one, not no one, can see what I have seen,
because no one, not no one, has been where I have been.

To sit by lover's; blind, I am their hound,
When they're alone they need me; when they're happy it's like I am not around.

I sit; I squat; I wait
and still no answers left to date;
no one requites me
does God smite me?
I sit there,
men say 'contraire..'

'For a love in which you wait; flail and flop like new fishbait;
no one;absolutely no one; not the rest,
will ever even try; because they know that you're a guy,
whom that when in love; will find the girl that's best.'

I see my girl; she's out of reach;
and men sit upon the beach,
with their ladies of the night; Given up without a fight,
no; they don't believe in love,
and the Divine up above;
as he laughs at His new joke;
at the sorry little blo-oke,

no one said it would be easy,
but this loving's made me queasy
Does she really look at me,
I don't think I'm much to see,
look at me; failure from the start,
while she, the lady of my hea-art.

Woe is me; I am alone,
It's cold outside; I'm skin and bone,
the happy couples do reject me; like a frog; they won't dissect me,
in a quest for what is wrong; they won't ask why I sing this song;
I've been lonely from the sta-art,
and this; the la-ment of my heart.

(for the tune, it's like El Tango de Roxanne+When you're Evil)
Losing the battle for power

13/12/09

I could be anyone.
I could be hero of heroes,
slain mighty beasts in your name,
you would not give me a requited welcome.

I could be anyone.
I could construct mighty monuments,
of gold, diamond and amethyst of you,
and your love, of double the costs, I would not recieve.

I could be anyone.
Some might name me a master,
for having captured nature's beauty, recreating it in art, in song,
You may attend the opening night, but would not join me backstage.

I could be anyone.
It's true.
But in reality,
I'm just a boy, looking at a girl, asking you to love me like I do you.

(P.S writers of Notting hill, don't kill me- this line inspired me)

Losing the battle for power

Here's the truth.
I'm not good enough for you.
No, I will always be second; no,
I'll always be third past-last.

I am not the greatest lover,
I don't make you feel like doing the unimaginable.
I don't make you warm to the touch
I don't give you memories to last a lifetime.

I am not the greatest friend,
I cannot sit by you no matter what,
for the many faces bicker and argue,
and before long you would have done everything by yourself.

Still, I applaud myself.
To believe in a lie so blindly. To chase it.
That I could be that 'one'. Yet now everyone looks down, at he who believes steadfast,
I am assuming what is not rightfully mine. I'll always be third past-last

Losing the battle for power

Even amidst amber skies,
Infuriating,
He pushes me on to my grave,
with the crowd cheering on.

"Make him kill himself!"
"Make him break something else!"
"Make him break his bones!"
"But for an encore, LET HIM LIVE"

You always do that, don't you?
You allow me to be happy- to expect something good.
Get me as optimistic as possible,
and then throw me off the mountain You made me build.

No, to all readers, this is not the 'she' you always read about.
For my foe looks at me from behind his shield. He looks on, evil hatred, resentment.
His evil audience, cheering on, he carries on the punishment.
It is not enough to cry it out when you are incapable of the act.

Lost the battle for power

8th December.

Isn't it funny how the world always spins,
regardless of all those tiny little things,
round and round; it winds and winds,
and as we spin; we don't lose our minds

Isn't it funny,
how we care about money,
it's the core of our lives,
yet it's halved by our wives.

no, none of it's funny,
by your face I can tell,
but I'll be on the floor laughing,
when you're pushed down a well.

real world; kiss my ass

Losing the battle for power

3rd Dec

I've mined every mountain bare,
made lakes comparable to seas,
Not once did I find another gem like you.

Only in my dreams have I found you,
you are haunting me, deluding me,
So close tou holding you, yet beyond my reach.

My torment doesn't end there; oh dear lord; no,
You are dangled in front of me; like a fish to a cat,
Completely satisfied where you are.

It brings me back to nights like this,
Holding you; caressing you,
The void; a large emptiness your love once filled.

Underneath the moonlight,
I watch the others; content,
as I count.

Counting what time we've had; how great it was,
Your scent; your touch; the sheer bliss!
but no more; this is true.

without you, my heart is but a lonely cog,
without purpose; it grinds away my insides,
the sound of it's movement, echoing into the dark void.

My world has lost it's sun,
my sea has lost it's moon,
and my life has lost it's soul; my song has lost it's tune.


Losing the battle for power