22/5/10

I'm having a problem.
Everytime I need to rant, I don't have an outlet.
When I get my hands on my blog, I get writer's block.

doi.

Something's messing up my systems. Just gave a really long rant to a junior about wasting her life.

But that brings about some thoughts.
Love, for example.

Does the stuff in the movies really exist?
Or does it only seem to exist because a few idiots believe in it?
Call me a cynic, but the latter seems very likely.
I guess to me, love is just like putting up with all the crap people who aren't in love put up with. The only difference is you have someone with you.
They won't necessarily do you any good. Hell, they might even bring you through the mud ocassionally. Or always.
But I guess loving them means not caring.

Ironic, the three words everyone who feels alone wants to hear means "I don't care".

you and I in a little toyshop, buy a bag of baloons with the money we've got.
Set them free at the break of dawn, till one by one; they were gone.
back at base, bugs in the software; flash a message; something's out there.
Floating in the summer sky, as 99 red baloons go by.

Losing the battle for power

22/5/10

My bad. Thought things were going right. Oh well, some mistakes I shant repeat.
It's funny how one tiny thing can throw you off your game, right?

I guess I'm just frustrated. You go around asking people to love you, to be there for you. Why haven't you turned around yet?

It's like watching someone playing bejewelled and they just don't see that 4-chain and instead move it up for a 3-chain. *urrk*

Either ways, now would be a good time to thank all those who've bothered picking up the pieces every time I've ever fallen apart. Even if you didn't know it, you guys are awesome. I'd name you, but nanti takut someone actually READS this blog.


Losing/loathing the battle for power

Hyperventilation.

Don't you just hate everything falling apart?
You rush to each side of your little log cabin, but ultimately get crushed in the rubble.

It's a small issue, that would be optimistically speaking.
But what if she finds out?

what if she likes them better?

oh crap. I should have packed the backup plan.

Losing the battle for power

18/5/10

I dare you to love me.
To close your eyes,
to open your mind,
feel it; where does it come from?

I dare you to think about it.
Who has seen it all?
every single one, come and gone,
who knows everything but holds nothing against you?

I dare you to hold me.
Like every time I've ever held you,
to see me as integrally as I see you,
do you hear it? our hearts?

I dare you to look back.
Look back at us,
everyone else saw it.
Why not you?

But then again,
your dissaproval is on your face.
After all,
I'm only Mr Second Place.

Losing the battle for power

16/5/10

word of the day is hate.

I hate not being able to study, I hate being so stupid. It's like, even if I try to work at it, I never actually improve or anything.

I hate being so empty inside. I'm scared to let you see who I am. I don't want to scare you away. I really don't.

I hate the fact that I'm back in my own little bubble. It's like I can't find anyone without them having been from my world.

I hate never getting any. There. I said it. I'm a teenager, dammit. I enjoy the sweet smile from across the room, but still. Just that little confirmation that I could if I wanted to would be nice.

I hate love. All it does is let you down over and over and OVER again. It's like that magic potion that seems to work for EVERYONE ELSE. It will pick you up ocasionally, but that's only so it can drop you from a higher place. I hate how everyone else leads their happy lives because 'at the end of the day I see you smiling and that's all I need'.
When is it my turn?

It's been 3 years. Maybe it is time I move on. After all, he's so perfect, I'm sure you wouldn't miss me.
Correction; I would move on if I could.
But the important question: where would I go?

urgh. I wish I could just be better than I am now. Maybe be that amazing person people praise me for being. If only, eh?




Losing the battle for power

13/5/10

Don't you just hate those moments where you're annoyed for no reason?
I can't seem to find a reason why. Everything seems too petty to be the cause of my annoyance.

Urk.
The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get.

12/5/10

So, let's get it straight.
Having to pull out of camp kinda bothers me. Your guesses were spot on, but I guess I have to hold my breath and hope for it to happen.

Don't you just hate it when someone dissapears out of your life for a while?
I wonder what you're up to.

Okay, no more time to blog, I have to boot myself into high gear.
Ciao for now

Losing the battle for power

5/5/10

I have so much to say, and nothing at all.
I'd like to believe I'm being well accepted at the moment. I've learnt to co-exist, I guess.
But I'd like you to know, as much as things change, they also stay the same.

The thought of you leaving would kill me, I hope you know that.
I'm sorry if I neglect you
or accidentally push you away.
A new life is overwhelming, but forever will you stay?

3/5/10

What was that weird stare you gave me?
I wonder.

To sum it up, I hate being lonely.
I hate how I can love you so much, and not get an ounce of reciprocation.
Now now, let's not digress from your new pathways.

Urgh.

Losing the battle for power