Do you hear that?
the hollow wind, the immense night.
It accompanies our heartbeats as the only line-up of the evening's chorus
no one else around to hear it,
no one. Silence.
The crickets are everywhere, strumming their matrimonial songs,
finding. Seeking.
I wonder,
would love come to me if I only lived for a day, too?
Moonlight, a poet's inspiring flame.
For so long it brought upon the great works,
for only when hope seems gone is greatness inspired.
Words, whispers,
The meaning is lost as it is passed,
like water seeping through many a soil,
and for so long, such tales are only learnt from the first hand.
To feel that way, it must be nice,
To be able to feel like she is the only person for you,
and you for she.
maybe some of us weren't built for it.
maybe some of us were just built to be misunderstood,
shunned, ostracized.
I shall never know,
but instead I shall sit here,
looking at the stars above me.
Losing the battle for power
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
29th Oct
Frustration.
Pounding, bashing, internally swelling.
Never being able to have you, yet being reminded that I once did.
Like a fire dancing in front of me, incapable of being touched.
To know everything had been undone.
To know all that brought sorrow would come back.
Were I capable of it, thou would see emotion.
Maybe you and him were meant for each other.
But I want to be there, too.
My faith is still there, though it is blind.
There is no salvation where i'm headed.
Losing the battle for power
Pounding, bashing, internally swelling.
Never being able to have you, yet being reminded that I once did.
Like a fire dancing in front of me, incapable of being touched.
To know everything had been undone.
To know all that brought sorrow would come back.
Were I capable of it, thou would see emotion.
Maybe you and him were meant for each other.
But I want to be there, too.
My faith is still there, though it is blind.
There is no salvation where i'm headed.
Losing the battle for power
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
28th Oct
Pathetic.
Worthless.
all of it.
I am forever bound to walk, alone.
For every good day, I pay back 27 bad.
whoop-de-fucking do.
Losing the battle for power
Worthless.
all of it.
I am forever bound to walk, alone.
For every good day, I pay back 27 bad.
whoop-de-fucking do.
Losing the battle for power
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
27th October
Okay, let's look at things realistically. Just for a second. No poetic cover-up, no elements of hope and/or dreams.
-I'm in love with a person who is NEVER going to reciprocate.
-Ashley and I? Total bullshit. No matter how big a psychological advantage I get, never gonna happen.
-Fame? Out the door you go, you seem to have the wrong house.
-Hard work? Bullshit. Gets you nowhere in the modern world.
- Interesting personality? I am a boring, mediocre jerk with nothing redeeming. My existence is pointless. People shall forever walk over me.
-Talents? Only if you count complaining as a talent. Trust me, I am in no way talented. Every activity is a waste.
Losing the battle for power
-I'm in love with a person who is NEVER going to reciprocate.
-Ashley and I? Total bullshit. No matter how big a psychological advantage I get, never gonna happen.
-Fame? Out the door you go, you seem to have the wrong house.
-Hard work? Bullshit. Gets you nowhere in the modern world.
- Interesting personality? I am a boring, mediocre jerk with nothing redeeming. My existence is pointless. People shall forever walk over me.
-Talents? Only if you count complaining as a talent. Trust me, I am in no way talented. Every activity is a waste.
Losing the battle for power
Monday, October 26, 2009
26th October; p2
Let's pretend baby
that you just met me
lol. Opening lines to a song.
Why is it i'm only poetic when I'm on the verge of suicide? I'll never know.
You know the truth?
I'm alone.
As much as I try to hide it, as many 'temporary' fixes as I find,
when it comes down to it, who really loves the shadow on a wall?
Don't get me wrong, I've made some valuable acquaintances and one special person still remains in my heart.
But on events like say, valentine's or any other couple-based day,
I'll just echo melancholy. Everyone's gonna be busy.
Bleughk, I need to get a shotgun. Easier to shoot things.
Losing the battle for power
that you just met me
lol. Opening lines to a song.
Why is it i'm only poetic when I'm on the verge of suicide? I'll never know.
You know the truth?
I'm alone.
As much as I try to hide it, as many 'temporary' fixes as I find,
when it comes down to it, who really loves the shadow on a wall?
Don't get me wrong, I've made some valuable acquaintances and one special person still remains in my heart.
But on events like say, valentine's or any other couple-based day,
I'll just echo melancholy. Everyone's gonna be busy.
Bleughk, I need to get a shotgun. Easier to shoot things.
Losing the battle for power
Sunday, October 25, 2009
26th Oct
*sighs*
Exams underway, I think I'm fuckin screwed.
In other news, I don't think there'smuch to write. Aside from the fact that sniping in Halo is fun . Very fun. Until some sunuvabitch gets you from behind.
Na, Chill. It's gonna be okay, kay?
I trust you completely that you will survive this.
Losing the battle for power
Exams underway, I think I'm fuckin screwed.
In other news, I don't think there'smuch to write. Aside from the fact that sniping in Halo is fun . Very fun. Until some sunuvabitch gets you from behind.
Na, Chill. It's gonna be okay, kay?
I trust you completely that you will survive this.
Losing the battle for power
Thursday, October 22, 2009
22nd Oct
Y'know, love sucks.
It sucks even more, when everyone around you can't give you a straight answer.
I'll always be a painting on a wall,
abandoned, unnoticed,
What once people flocked to see,
yet now just looks down,
for there is no more hope in looking up; just a plaster ceiling.
I'll always be no more than a stain on the table,
what at first shook panic,
caused hysteria,
now just another 'funny story' to reminisce on a rainy day,
in a land where the sun always shines.
When you are next to me,
I amazed you never hear it,
the beacon; yelling profoundly,
like a drowning man for land,
or one who falls; he fears it.
To me you are not just a painting,
you are the grand Mona Lisa herself dressed in a golden frame,
You are not a stain,
but a regal watermark; to bring glory to one's name,
and you are important to me, like an umbrella in the rain, or shade in sunshine.
Yet somehow you bring a special warmth on those rainy days,
In quiet admiration,
you and I; I see a spark,
but it's only between us,
for what uproar would it bring,
for the Mona Lisa to be seen with a mere painting.
Losing the battle for power
It sucks even more, when everyone around you can't give you a straight answer.
I'll always be a painting on a wall,
abandoned, unnoticed,
What once people flocked to see,
yet now just looks down,
for there is no more hope in looking up; just a plaster ceiling.
I'll always be no more than a stain on the table,
what at first shook panic,
caused hysteria,
now just another 'funny story' to reminisce on a rainy day,
in a land where the sun always shines.
When you are next to me,
I amazed you never hear it,
the beacon; yelling profoundly,
like a drowning man for land,
or one who falls; he fears it.
To me you are not just a painting,
you are the grand Mona Lisa herself dressed in a golden frame,
You are not a stain,
but a regal watermark; to bring glory to one's name,
and you are important to me, like an umbrella in the rain, or shade in sunshine.
Yet somehow you bring a special warmth on those rainy days,
In quiet admiration,
you and I; I see a spark,
but it's only between us,
for what uproar would it bring,
for the Mona Lisa to be seen with a mere painting.
Losing the battle for power
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Oct 22
Dammit, being at home sucks. Bad enough I'm STUDYING (oh noez!)
made even worse by the fact I miss my not-girlfriend.
Let's be positive here, what's the worse that could happen?
.......
I'm not even gonna go there, dude.
Losing the battle for power
made even worse by the fact I miss my not-girlfriend.
Let's be positive here, what's the worse that could happen?
.......
I'm not even gonna go there, dude.
Losing the battle for power
Monday, October 19, 2009
19th Oct
Before I begin with this edition of my writing, Happy birthday Charz, Chang and Zarissya, the three of you guys rock out loud :D
Okay, so there are several things to touch on. Firstly, I have a new project I should (hopefully) finish by the end of the week, a (hopefully) mini-series called Ackar's Journey. It should be about 3 parts long, with minimal dialog (a Poisonblue trait).
Okay, so there are several things to touch on. Firstly, I have a new project I should (hopefully) finish by the end of the week, a (hopefully) mini-series called Ackar's Journey. It should be about 3 parts long, with minimal dialog (a Poisonblue trait).
sorry it's so tiny >.<Will try to make it bigger. Eventually.
Either ways, I miss you..
Losing the battle for power
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Apologia.
If you are reading this, I doubt in my condition. Be it dead or in an asylum, unless I have the strength to pull through. Will ponder said decision further.
Bonds. Ties. Everything.
All so very important. Apparently. I've never felt too attached to anything living as of late. A few jerks of emotion, that's it.
Something about you saying goodbye, something about the thought of never having you at my side, that's just unbearable.
Rain. Tapping. Pouring. Relentlessly, it comes. Wonder how it feels like, to just go on ahead with something. Around us, so many live with one purpose.
Listen, I will cut the poetic crap now.
You, you really are my everything. If it sounded like I lost faith in you, I'm sorry. But what are we fighting over?
There's no prize. Nothing.
It's pointless telling you over and over again, i'm sorry. I will redeem myself, in any means necessary. I have no excuse for myself.
but I love you. I don't like it when I hurt you. It drives me into such furiosity I begin looking at knives and windowsills.
You made me feel like I existed, Na. When everyone else ignored me, you treated me like a person. You gave me pet nicknames that usually only existed in intimate relationships. You kept me in place when i'd felt like I'd lost myself.
Being with you is like bliss. It's greater than bliss. It stopped me from cutting the line like I should have so long ago.
After so long, I truly feel sadness.
How the violins cry,
and the lack of the stars in the sky.
I truly feel what it's like,
the world you completed, in shreds,
my life you gave meaning, a void.
When the depths alight with the flood of sorrow,
nothing. There is no tomorrow.
And for the first time in years, I start to tear,
Why? why won't you come back here?
From the journal of W. Amirul Adlan: Given up.
Bonds. Ties. Everything.
All so very important. Apparently. I've never felt too attached to anything living as of late. A few jerks of emotion, that's it.
Something about you saying goodbye, something about the thought of never having you at my side, that's just unbearable.
Rain. Tapping. Pouring. Relentlessly, it comes. Wonder how it feels like, to just go on ahead with something. Around us, so many live with one purpose.
Listen, I will cut the poetic crap now.
You, you really are my everything. If it sounded like I lost faith in you, I'm sorry. But what are we fighting over?
There's no prize. Nothing.
It's pointless telling you over and over again, i'm sorry. I will redeem myself, in any means necessary. I have no excuse for myself.
but I love you. I don't like it when I hurt you. It drives me into such furiosity I begin looking at knives and windowsills.
You made me feel like I existed, Na. When everyone else ignored me, you treated me like a person. You gave me pet nicknames that usually only existed in intimate relationships. You kept me in place when i'd felt like I'd lost myself.
Being with you is like bliss. It's greater than bliss. It stopped me from cutting the line like I should have so long ago.
After so long, I truly feel sadness.
How the violins cry,
and the lack of the stars in the sky.
I truly feel what it's like,
the world you completed, in shreds,
my life you gave meaning, a void.
When the depths alight with the flood of sorrow,
nothing. There is no tomorrow.
And for the first time in years, I start to tear,
Why? why won't you come back here?
From the journal of W. Amirul Adlan: Given up.
flip-side. 16th Oct
Wow. I really am a piece of work.
I seriously fuck everything up. Wether with my self-loathing, or insecurity. I mean, seriously. We're not even TOGETHER and I think she just dumped me. WTF?!
Seriously. All i've done, all i've EVER done, was support her with little alterior motive.
So maybe I took some things a little seriously. So what? One does not get backstabbed and think of sunshine and roses.
maybe this is me being told to stay the course. stick to the Plan.
Farah, when are you coming online?? D: I needz your warm bitch-slaps!
Battle for power status: Unknown
I seriously fuck everything up. Wether with my self-loathing, or insecurity. I mean, seriously. We're not even TOGETHER and I think she just dumped me. WTF?!
Seriously. All i've done, all i've EVER done, was support her with little alterior motive.
So maybe I took some things a little seriously. So what? One does not get backstabbed and think of sunshine and roses.
maybe this is me being told to stay the course. stick to the Plan.
Farah, when are you coming online?? D: I needz your warm bitch-slaps!
Battle for power status: Unknown
17th Oct
Woo!
So, today was fun. My geeky day-off, to just do random crap.
Went to Visa's for a Deepavali open house. Kick-ass time there. I tell you, Chun Ming really knows how to liven up a party!
So, today was fun. My geeky day-off, to just do random crap.
Went to Visa's for a Deepavali open house. Kick-ass time there. I tell you, Chun Ming really knows how to liven up a party!
Also, might I add the HOTNESS at the party. Seriously, never knew I'd meet a 7.5 there. So, after that totally random moment, we all walked in the rain to Bangsar Village to play cards.
Sure, I got trashed repeatedly, but hell, who gives a fuck?
So that's one random moment in the game.
DISCLAIMER: Geeky battle report following. Please avoid this section if thou hatest all geeks.
So, what you see is me against Chang, with Sableye and Budew as active. Honestly, this was going fuck slowly. My SF Sceptile was in the prizes (oh noez!) and my spare was replaced by my new GE Sceptile. Without energy mobility, I was lost.
After pissing off Chang by playing Shedinja SV, Chang started keeping Magneton handy for taking it out (with Magneton being the only powerless pokemon in play and all, he didn't have much of a choice. Expand or be picked off, simple as that)
However, after he was sure it would be gone, I brought out my Grovyle (no sceptile D:) and managed to score some KO's, like his Sableye and Electivire FB Lv X. (seriously, that was awesome shit. No damage counters involved. Pure ko-ing)
However, Dialga Lv X started pissing me off. Time skip is a pretty fucked up ability, making you gamble with a 25% chance of you getting fucked. Badly. By the time I brought Yanmega out, I scored a K-O on his Dialga Lv X (he wasn't keen on sending out Magnezone LvX, he was sure I had something mean up my sleeve)
Alas, I got trashed, with the final score 6-3. I think I came pretty close, don't you?
End disclaimer
Also, I FINALLY GOT TLR!!
Seriously, the movie wasn't as grand as I thought it'd be, but it was reasonably good. Special effects were good, but plot was relatively good. Still, Tuma had almost as little screentime as his Skrall :(
Alas, I couldn't help having a few dark thoughts. But I shall perish them, for now.
nyehehee.
Hi Hann!!
Amazingly Giddy.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Fuck this. This post doesn't even deserve a date.
Fuck you.
Fuck everyone around you.
Fuck anyone else who even starts sentences like you.
Hope; so fucking stupid.
So amazingly indescribably stupid, so amazingly indescribably dumb.
Should learn my lesson, just don't fucking care.
Ostracize myself, just be left fucking alone.
Nothing, no one. That way, no hopes to bring up.
No one to ruin you.
One bad thing is one thing, to have a series, a bad day, a bad YEAR, that just fucks everything from a-z.
Fuck this.
This post doesn't deserve a sign-off
Fuck everyone around you.
Fuck anyone else who even starts sentences like you.
Hope; so fucking stupid.
So amazingly indescribably stupid, so amazingly indescribably dumb.
Should learn my lesson, just don't fucking care.
Ostracize myself, just be left fucking alone.
Nothing, no one. That way, no hopes to bring up.
No one to ruin you.
One bad thing is one thing, to have a series, a bad day, a bad YEAR, that just fucks everything from a-z.
Fuck this.
This post doesn't deserve a sign-off
Monday, October 12, 2009
12th Oct
Okay, kids! complete the phrase: "L-O-..."
did you answere "L-O-V-E"?
WRONG!
"L-O-A-T-H-E" is the answer!
Loathing for yourself,
loathing for that asshole bossing you around,
loathing for your com which keeps restarting,
loathing for everything around you.
In other news, It's over between them and things still don't look any brighter on my end. I've been called a testimony to patience, and lonely nad "oh shit!"
Seriously, retards, I can't believe I tried to impress you guys.
as for you,
my life's a freaking wreck.
I miss you.
I love you, I really, really do.
I'd create a parade in your honour if I could just to let you know, I really would.
Without you, nothing pleases me.
Not the hissing of the flame,
just you and I, maybe the Notre Dame,
To think you wouldn't return it,
it's like stabbing me over and over.
you.
The only one deserving of such verse,
I want the rush of your skin against mine
How our hearts would beat with speed together
How your scent is maddening.
Alas, reality sets in.
And you and I, forever and ever, are apart.
Losing the battle for power
did you answere "L-O-V-E"?
WRONG!
"L-O-A-T-H-E" is the answer!
Loathing for yourself,
loathing for that asshole bossing you around,
loathing for your com which keeps restarting,
loathing for everything around you.
In other news, It's over between them and things still don't look any brighter on my end. I've been called a testimony to patience, and lonely nad "oh shit!"
Seriously, retards, I can't believe I tried to impress you guys.
as for you,
my life's a freaking wreck.
I miss you.
I love you, I really, really do.
I'd create a parade in your honour if I could just to let you know, I really would.
Without you, nothing pleases me.
Not the hissing of the flame,
just you and I, maybe the Notre Dame,
To think you wouldn't return it,
it's like stabbing me over and over.
you.
The only one deserving of such verse,
I want the rush of your skin against mine
How our hearts would beat with speed together
How your scent is maddening.
Alas, reality sets in.
And you and I, forever and ever, are apart.
Losing the battle for power
Saturday, October 10, 2009
11th October
You.
Every pounding, pulsating, unreciprocated moment,
every cold, dying second where I am not with you,
it tears me to bits.
You.
You are like the end of a good book, the Tin Man's heart!
You have inspired the strangest things in me!
and yet you insist that we go on, this tango in the moonlight,
Until even the most precise of clockwork is trivialed with inconsistencies.
You.
Against much better judgement, I play this game,
until all the cards are dealt, I dig my hole
you say there is no love felt, I disagree,
I am tired of repeating, I love you, can't you see?!
You; I chase you, against all better judgement,
to the end of a man's faith, till only I; solely,
To hope to hold you in my arms,
my angel; my only.
Losing the battle for power
Every pounding, pulsating, unreciprocated moment,
every cold, dying second where I am not with you,
it tears me to bits.
You.
You are like the end of a good book, the Tin Man's heart!
You have inspired the strangest things in me!
and yet you insist that we go on, this tango in the moonlight,
Until even the most precise of clockwork is trivialed with inconsistencies.
You.
Against much better judgement, I play this game,
until all the cards are dealt, I dig my hole
you say there is no love felt, I disagree,
I am tired of repeating, I love you, can't you see?!
You; I chase you, against all better judgement,
to the end of a man's faith, till only I; solely,
To hope to hold you in my arms,
my angel; my only.
Losing the battle for power
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
7th Oct
Fuck this.
Why. Fucking why.
All I need to know.
I can't compete. I'm not mr sweet, romantic, I don't do anything that fangirls squeal about for weeks to come.
Fuck this, why won't I just flicker out of existence?
Losing the battle for power
Why. Fucking why.
All I need to know.
I can't compete. I'm not mr sweet, romantic, I don't do anything that fangirls squeal about for weeks to come.
Fuck this, why won't I just flicker out of existence?
Losing the battle for power
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
6th Oct: whoop-de-doodly-fuckin-do
Okay, let's get this straight.
Yesterday=AWESOME
Today=SUCKAGE
So, she's found someone else. AGAIN.
Fuck, I swear at this rate, I'll be at this game of tag for an eternity.
Or worse, we'll get together 5 seconds before we have to break up cus we can't stand long distance.
But Hann, since you're reading this,
love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you.
Losing the battle for power
Yesterday=AWESOME
Today=SUCKAGE
So, she's found someone else. AGAIN.
Fuck, I swear at this rate, I'll be at this game of tag for an eternity.
Or worse, we'll get together 5 seconds before we have to break up cus we can't stand long distance.
But Hann, since you're reading this,
love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you.
Losing the battle for power
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