28/3/10

"What does it feel like, to be superior to all?
What's the taste of victory?
What is its smell?
Can the euphoria of triumph last forever, or does it fade like dust during wind?I know answers to all those questions. You can say with no doubt that I know all answers - for I am the answer to all questions."

How I long for my old confidence back. Now, even the words of one person can send my little Paradise crumbling all around me.

I think I need to know my worth

Losing the battle for power

27/3/10

Maybe the bar is too high. Maybe I should just quit before I fall any lower. that of course still doesn't assure my getting back out of my little hole.

I wanna feel some love for once. The kind that goes full circle, not this whole 'fire an arrow into some dark wood and never have anything come back'.

Let's see, on my own I'm not attractive, if I try I'm a suck-up/pretentious. I'm always fourth choice, even if there are only three contestants. I have absolutely nowhere I belong anymore.

Life is just great.

In other news, I'm glad to hear that my friend and her boyfriend are on good terms again. Honestly, I was worried sick. All the best in your endeavours.

"Everybody loves a winner, so nobody loves me"

21/3/10

Madness seems to be contagious. In light of the clock getting closer and closer to striking 4, more and more people succumb to the madness. I swear, how we're gonna pull ourselves together when the clock strikes 11 is a mystery.

Was looking at ants today. They seem to have some sort of attraction to addmaths, they flock over my book. They're so much smaller than I am. Just my breathing knocks them leagues away. I wonder, do they at all see the world around them as I do? or are they oblivious to my existence, with me as another mountain to climb.

These insects also seem to be dedicated. I chopped off one's head and it continued crawling. THe head, that is. it was carrying another dead ant. Ah, world, you provide me so many mysteries to ponder when I should be doing other things.


Losing the battle for power

Hope

Stop your cryin;
the sun's not shinin' bright enough when I don't see you smilin,
and the dark seems even darker and the words aren't even rhymin'.

Life is like a long silk scarf; many hands that weave the cloth,
absolutely; no one knew how many stews to spoil a broth,
words to live by; never to get high on; so think about the good things that you got before they're gone.

Can you see the world? yes you can, even in the rain,
you got friends that got your back, you got friends to share the pain,
Even sometimes, clouds so thick you forget to see; but the simple truth is that you always got a friend in me

Things get bad, things get worse,
But it's not bad until you wind up sitting in a hearse
Sometimes you feel as if your heart just hit the ground, but you gotta remember what you do will come around :)

Hopeful

19/3/10

Why is it so hard to get a little retribution nowadays?
although it hasn't happened in a while, I must say I am annoyed with perked-up-on-drugs-crybabies.
Seriously, I'm flattered you think I'm better than you, but I'm not to be blamed for your horrible misfortune.
Also. 'anonymous calls at midnight'. OOOHH... how Macho. Get a life, get a face people. You guys got beef to settle with me, grow a pair.
And for the record, that means come and get me, retards.

Yeah, I'm obnoxious. Yeah, I sometimes think I'm better than you. But hey, you guys started the circle of hate. I'm just finishing it.
And by the way, the circle is the one that's on the top of your testpapers, just in case you didn't know/

Now that I think about it, you've probably got another kindy test to fail and you won't read this. Too bad though.

So once you've finished your crack supply and cried home to mommy about how you still cant find your dick after 17 years and look up in a dictionary half the words I said, (after asking someone what a dictionary IS, that is) come and get some.

And I'm flattered I have fans.

18/3/10

Odd.
I seem to have the urge to get out and do some sports.
Hmm, maybe next PJ I'll actually take Maxim up on his offer. Unless everyone else wants to play softball, in which case I'm in.

C seems to be talking to me alot now. The depth she's giving is good, and she's fun to hang around (never mind we can't meet physically, but fuck it)

Urk. Exams.

Battle for power postponed

The Ides of March.

Can't think of anything to write today. Nothing substantial enough to be poetically expressed, nothing interesting.

Met my female counterpart today. She works at MPH and refuses to tell me her SPM results.
Oh.
I BEAT THE INFERNAL ENGINE. SUCK IT, MO-FO.
Btw, soccer with friends is fun. Just passing a ball amongst each other while letting out your problems is just one of those awesome things.

that, and chasing a Ferrari.
Et tu, Brutus?

12/3/10

Tick-tock, time is ticking,
all the time that you spent wishing,
It's time to walk; it's time to see,
It's time to find what's right for me.

Is it time to love? I don't think so,
I'm hoping you'll love me; but that's a no
Holes to fill and soil to till,
grow myself some friends that fit the bill.

Today's post is an odd one. I can't say I'm not still lonely, but I must admit that I've got so much going on it's hard to take a breather to vent it out. So there.

By the way, to my dear non-existant readers, I will be at SKBD tomorrow, and I'm very much hoping for some company for lunch, so do contact me if you're interested.


Losing the battle for power

Thanks for the bitch-slap

In reply to you, I guess that's true. Maybe I have lost myself in my own self-hatred.
Clock's ticking, only 8 months to find myself.

Bitch slaps: That's what friends are for.

Losing the battle for power

In between date lines

I'd like to know for once if that little voice in my head is right.
That those seemingly pointless blurbs are about me
that the flood of emotion behind it is true.

Ngeh, forget it. Where has dreaming gotten you before?
Hurt. Spikes. misery.
The truth is so clear, it's staring me in the face.

I cannot be loved. I am obsolete, and will only physically die years after I have faded out of every being's memories.
No one's gonna look my way, no one's gonna return the good will.

Hell, I don't know why I even try


Losing the battle for power

5/3/10

Gah, so much on my mind to let out.
She's not been in school, and my fellow librarians have been tormented with multiple rounds of 'Aint no Sunshine'

Ah, why am I caring? Caring as a friend is one thing, caring like I care is another.
She's got so many choices, For me to be on the list is already a miracle. And that hasn't happened yet.

In other news, my wrist is free again. I'm keeping the cast, as a reminder of my mortality.

Losing the battle for power