24/4/10

This helplesness. It's not very pleasant.
There's still so much I don't know, and I'm not sure I'd like to know.
I'd still say, I wouldn't mind being somebody to someone.
Anyone, to just say those magic words
"I need you".

Intense isolation does this to you, folks. makes you doubt everything.

"Your mind wanders into dark places, and you wonder why I keep the worst from you"-Jon Osterman, Watchmen.

I don't know. I'm feeling torn again.
Not to be completely whiny, but I guess it's my blog and I'll write what I feel.
I miss loving gestures. Being mr. hugs-randomly is nice, but an actual gesture of 'I wouldn't want anyone else at this moment here with me' would be nice too. Less riddles would be good, I guess.
So yeah, I'm done whining for now.
Losing the battle for power

19/4/10

Hmm.
I've seen alot of my old self lately.
I wonder, how different am I?

Am I really all that much happier?
Or have I just become a better liar?
I guess that's my choice then. One thing that never changes, I guess, is my rhetorical rants.

I learned something interesting. The key to happiness is simply not caring.
Don't think I'm going to suddenly laugh it off with you, no. I'm still waiting for your lungs to burn inside out and for your brain to deactivate until all you feel is pain.

"Your talents are still of some use to me, and so I will not kill you ... today. But one day--perhaps in a year, or 1000 years, or 100,000 years--I may grow tired of you, Icarax. You may cease to be amusing, with your posturing and your boasting and your lust for battle. And on that day, your armor will be a meal for metal-eating scavengers, and your essence a wisp on the wind."

Everything else is same-old same-old.



Losing the battle for power

10/4/10

Acceptance is a good thing.
It still sucks though that by next year, it will all be gone.
I'm gonna miss it.

I'm happier now, you say? Interesting.
Never noticed it, but I guess you're right.

On a rare note, i'm not sad.
I'm not blissful, either.
I'm just feeling odd.

Oh well

Losing the battle for power

9/4/10

Being an alien ambassador would be cool.
You could travel to other planets, and tell stories about where you came from.
But what would happen if all those worlds you visited collided?

Interesting thought.

So, while everything is on collision course with each other, I can only duck and cover. And hope I don't have to pick a side.

Thought #2:
As much of a jerk/ass/insensitive non-existant as I am, I can't hurt people.
Mind games, mind games. Why am I always left in the situation where I'll probably make a bad choice?
Either ways, I end up hurting people. And as funny and ironic as it may seem, this choice has no selfish motive.

I need clarity. Lots of it, at it's most concentrated.
Losing the battle for power

8/4/10

It felt nice, belonging. Even if everyone thinks you're a time-fussy rabbit. Oh well.

I think there's something wrong with me.
Maybe it's just me, but I seem to be particularly mean this week. I don't know if I shouldbe happy or sad, but yeah. My brand of meanness seems to be exagerrated now.

Also, you seem to be talking to me again, but there's something you're hiding from me. Sometimes I'd love to crack open that pretty little head of yours and see what's going on.

aint no sunshine, when she's gone
it's not warm when she's not there.
Ain't no sunshine; when she's gone,
she's always gone too long,
anytime she goes away.
Aint no sunshine when she's gone,
Only darkness; everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
but she's always gone too long
anytime; she goes away.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We live, we die by The Plan
Losing the battle for power

5/4/10

I'd love to say i'm mad at the world, but I just don't have the energy to do it.
looking at you from afar, you're still looking my way.
What's running through that mind of yours, I wonder?

I'm also sick of watching them constantly. I seriously have horrid luck in that sense.
urgh.
at least I got my hate back.

Losing the battle for power

1/4/10

Let's list how special you are to me.
You're the only person who can make me run like a triathlete at 6.00 am
You're the only person who can set me on a 3-day-high with the smallest gesture
You're the only person who can make me stand by you even when it's something I'd disagree to
You're the only person who can motivate me to study
You're the only person who can make boring bus trips awesome
You're the only person who makes me actively scheme
You're the only person capable of making me start being a nomadic blogger
You're the only person who can make me loosen up and actually dance (how good, another question)

Call me deluded, but you've brought out alot more in me than I knew I had.

love you.