So, spent today out with dush, chang and future mrs. chang. could tell you I had a really good time, which I did, but shiv is planning on us re-starting TNT, and I figured I can give reviewing Abduction a whirl.
Now, pardon my any details missing, because a) this movie was so bad I couldn't keep focus on it, and b) it didn't seem to take its own details very seriously. The movie is about a ninja-werewolf (yeah right, I WISH it was that cool) emo teen boy who seems to have gone 4 years just staring at a girl he likes but never talking to her, even though they made out prior.
You see, that's the set up of the movie. By this point I'd run out of snacks and resorted to calling all the movie's fail moments.
So, after getting wasted at a party, his dad's punishment is kicking his ass in boxing. I should note that his dad is possibly the most badass guy on the planet for kicking this guy's ass so badly.
Okay, I know we're not supposed to judge based by the color of a guy's skin, but his parents are as white as white can get. And Taylor Lautner... isn't. I mean, if you wanted to make this movie so REALISTIC and MINDFUCKY you'd at least bring THAT up.
But I'll let that slide.
So we meet his friend, a guy who makes fake IDs and also knows how to operate firearms, named Gilly. In class, he and the girl he likes are paired up for a project on missing persons.
I really wish i'd taken notes during the movie, cus like I said: lots doesn't make sense. Details aside, he's actually being looked for by russians and the CIA, and sigourney weaver. his parents (who aren't his real parents) are killed by a bomb that is NEVER explained as to how it got there because the agents are killed by his NINJA MOM the second they come in (well, not the last one. but he was getting his ass kicked too) and begin road trip across towns within 24 hours.
The timeline really doesn't add up, because somehow he can still call Gilly to get him stuff no matter where he is. Seriously. BS. Also, he's on the run from ARMED agents, and instead of getting his friend with a car, fake IDs AND shooting skills, he sticks to boobs and bigger-than-thou-eyebrows. Guess I get that. If I die, may as well try to get laid first.
It's never explained why his character knows KUNG FU when he's been trained to BOX, but whatever.
Typically, the ending is him saving the day.
I guess if you want a thriller, this would be OK, but really, the plot is just weak. it's purely based on the fame of our werewolf hero, who; might I add; survives A BOMB BLAST. There's even a twilight scene in the movie.
Watch at own risk. 2 out of 5.
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