I am tired.
Tired of failing, of never being good enough. Of always being told things will get better when they aren't showing any signs of it.
Tired of always being the lonely one. the one that no one wants. The only one who has no one special to call on a quiet night, or to spend a weekend with.Who only hears stories of what 'love' is, but never gets to feel it first hand. The one who's only a shadow in the background.
The moon looks on. The sun still rises in the east. The tide still rises. But when your day isn't going right, it feels like it all stops just for that moment.
I'm not giving up, not at all. But even the most resilient traveler complains about his backpack every once in a while. What more me?
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to the world, that I'd never live up to its standards. That I'm so terrible at everything I do, and that I handle defeat so poorly.
Sorry that I was about to get all excited about the littlest of things, sorry that I even assumed I could survive like this.
If you haven't quite put the picture together, it's because you're a dumbass. You're a dumbass who deserves to be bludgeoned to death by oranges. I may be maniacally in love with myself at times, cocky and even brash, but my self-esteem can take so many hits. I'm still alone, I'm still not doing well at design, drawing OR fig studies, and I've still got intense anger issues. Also, that I'm saying goodbye to another fish soon. In all this stress, I just wish there was something I could do to make the pain all go away.
fuck this. fuck it all, shoot it, in fact. Just bare my teeth and go through with it. not like anyone would want my carcass anyways.
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