29/9/10

You know, I used to be very insecure in standard one. As superficial as it sounds, I always wanted to win something, and have a medal to show for it. Unfortunately, every time I did win something, there was never any concrete proof to show it existed. Now, 10 years later, I'm glad to say that even though it just says consolation, I did my 7-year old self proud.

And at what? surviving maths without a calculator.

Even if I'm not planning to take the scholarship, it's still nice to feel wanted.

Especially when you've been passed over for some air-headed face hugger.

Cynicsm aside, it's addmaths tomorrow.

I seem to be having sports commentary in my head. Sometimes it's my own doing, sometimes it isn't. Amazing

It's just how I roll

26/9/10

Very tiring day today. Considering turning in early because of my trials tomorrow.

Chill, Am. You can do it.

I'm confused as to how I feel. My exams are stressing me out, but I can't force myself to do anything about it. People around me are depressed and I can't seem to change that. Someone I care about isn't being particularly warm towards me and I go into a slump.

I've also been eating alot lately. Not that my weight is an issue. - I mean, come on. I'm lighter than the guys my age. I slip in between bars. But now I'm starting to wonder if I'm back to having something wrong with me.

I mean, I got really upset over a tiny issue today.

Oh well, let's face it- I'm awesome. Why? Because I will do well for this trial. I will face all this.

It's just how I roll

25/9/10

I sem to find alot of things annoying nowadays. Among them, is being told to submit because someone is 'more experienced', without actually having first hand experience on anything. My two cents? It happens. Everything happens. I'm just being realistic about it, not covering it up.

Consider me heartless that I don't care, but it's a bare fact. When a man stands in front of a gun and yells 'Fire!' you really can't have much sympathy because he had it coming.

But then again, maybe if I feel a little less morbid, my views will change.

You know, I'd like to think I'm a balanced person. I have my moments where I can't feel, and I have my moments where I go completely on my gut. I have my moments where I'm the most sociable person around, and there are moments where I despise everyone and everything around me. Oh well.

You know, sometimes I wish there was someone who knew me inside-out. Who could say "Amirul went out and bought something without reason today. Something's bothering him"

or anything along those lines.

Why am I being so random?

It's just how I roll

24/9/10

Can anyone hear me? of course not.

The sheer magnitude of things going on right now is overwhelming. I feel like I'm going insane from it all. But then again, I'm not involved in it. Because I'm mr.Unwanted.

I mean, it's bad enough being practically yelled at being told you're no fun. It's even worse to also be told by another person to get out of their life.

And finally, there's the no surprise moment to wonder why as hard as I try, I'm the only person who's alone at any given time. Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

I need to stop being emo. Seriously.

It's just how I roll

22/9/10

In one week, September ends. I slide down the hill that much further, getting closer and closer to SPM. I seriously need to focus.

Back to not-focusing, I wonder why I don't breed good times. It's like I'm just no fun. Or worse. No one wants me around.

I'm no one special to anyone. People around me either avoid me or just get bored of me with time, when someone better shows up. sighs.

I guess that still puts me on my little journey to find somewhere I belong.

In other news, I beat my standard of 350 kills on TTA3 today. Now I'm upping the bar to 380. Turns out, the Laser Rifle is good when you're dying. Clears a room REALLY fast when you want to get out and heal.

So, yeah, I better go back to trying to study. Or Alia and Shiva will kill me.

It's just how I roll

20/9

Well, that went well. Now I guess you're avoiding me, too. Why is it I can never seem to be happy? What happened to the classic love story where guy likes girl and by some miracle, girl likes guy back?

Not like it matters I guess. After all, it's like I always say: I have been hurt so many times, what's one more?

I really wish I could be like Yan or Alia. Have problems, yes, and have THAT be the reason you excel even FURTHER. Urgh.

But then again, I've never been inside either of their heads, so maybe there's a deeper issue I'm not seeing.

I really need some self-love. That's really hard, when no one else can give you a jump start.

It's just how I roll

17/9/10

It's safe to say I'm moving on.

I finally see it, how we pretty much had nothing to build on anyways. I was just your little escape, and I'm cool with that.

This is part of my mission. I am honestly sick of always watching, never being a part of anything. For once, I'd like to be in the spotlight.

Let's face it, everyone has one more ace in their sleeve whenever I'm around. What about me? where do I end up?

Gonna post notes up here. I need to flesh out Tarot more. So far, his superstition gets the best of him. Although his weapons aren't REALLY Tarot cards, he does carry some with him, for whenever he's lost. Speaking of which, his weapons are metal cards, which he wields like daggers, even throwing them to pin down enemies. Like other members of his tribe, I guess that would mean he has enhanced reflexes. Unique to himself, however, he gets into a meditative state before combat. Like a trance. He's a childhood friend of The Assasin, but that doesn't mean he's not out to hunt the blade for hire.

What am I missing? a human side to him.

It's just how I roll

16/9/10

Sometimes I think my mom just doesn't get my more-than-direct message.

I. Dont. Want. To. Go. Overseas.

It's my final year of high school, I wanna spend the holidays with my friends. I don't wanna spend the holidays missing all the parties, cus I'm stuck in some god-awful temple watching you stress out because no one else wanted to go either.

Stop forcing the idea. It's only making it more annoying. All that talk about letting me go to penang with friends, you're now indirectly telling me it's not happening.

The worst part is, I think I've actually come forward and mentioned that I'm NOT AT ALL interested in some 'cultural adventure'. Even if I wanted to go overseas, it wouldn't be to that god-awful hell-hole Siem Reap. Somewhere modern, I wouldn't mind. But I don't want to walk my ass off in the scorching sun. Never. Hell, if I wanted the heat, I'd stay here. Much cheaper.

It's just how I roll

14/9/10

I have to watch my back. I'm climbing down a hole, there is no clear path for where I'm going. The sun seems to set even faster seeing as my only source of light is the hole above me. Below, I see nothing.

Don't mind that. I shouldn't get my hopes up too high, says Manisha. Probably true. Need to be in a stable condition for the next 3 months. Also, need to start bucking up.

I'm dying from a lack of release. Any kind of release, really. Tension, stress, all of it.

It's just how I roll

13/9/10

New mission: Im going to make you love me.

I don't know, it just felt so right today. I'm probably an idiot, but yes. I think I really, really like you.

Dont make me start reciting genie lyrics

It's just how I roll

Challenge accepted

see them shining lights and neon signs
i know you think i'm fine
don't start just feedin' me lines
boy, don't waste your time
if you wanna come and play these games with me
i know you'll never be the same once you've had a taste -
you'll see - you'll only wanna be with me
boy, you won't believe

Hann's rap. My turn to come up with something in response.

Girl, dont think I dont see you over there,

Tryna grab my eye; with your cocktail dress and that fresh-styled hair,

Always sayin imma recite, but I rewrite the rules,

Imma play my game like the kids over at schools

Other girls wanna pay the double-stack; you wont give this love a whack

But I think once I made you see-

it's my love that you're gonna wanna retrieve

And I really think, that you wont believe,

when I bring it right back

It's just how I roll

12/9/10

Listening to It's You in excess is a sign that Hann's not back yet. Something about a sad song you can dance to is just... convenient.

Random fact, while I am not completely heartless, there are some things I just won't do, even if it's polite, simply because it makes no sense to do so.

For example, replying a tag on fb if I chat with that person. I can just say my response to them, right? no need for broadcasting my thoughts. Or, as I was recently told, inviting people even though you know they can't make it. I mean, courtesy is one thing, but it's just redundant. After all, it's like seeing a dead person, WITH the flatline in front of you, and saying "Hey, you okay?" right after the doctor calls in Time of Death.

Haha, dont worry, I'm not mad at anyone or anything. Just a little thought in my head.

It's just how I roll

11/9/10 Part 2

Yeah, I'm awesome.

Open house was epic, played games and hung out with everyone. They generally liked the brownies, so I'm happy :)

Also, Chang was looking up SNSD on my laptop. IT'S OFFICIAL, he's fancrushing on Yoona. xP

Hmm, I'd have to say today was definitely a success

It's just how I roll

11/09/10

I just baked a batch of brownies :)

Yes, you can tell how nervous I am when I actually cook for guests.

It's Raya time, which should be a time for forgiveness, togetherness... and FOOD

Oh yes, lots and lots of food. However, I will not forget this year's mission.

nothing much to blog about today. Will be back later

It's just how I roll

9/9/10

Been thinking alot.

If our lives were truly lived alone, I guess we'd be living monosyllable lives where you could count the seconds until something happened. It's the people that really make a difference in our lives.

How would I be, I wonder, had I not met the people I now surround myself with?

That's not quite the point of today's rant however.

The clock is ticking, everything around me is changing. Einstein's theory of relativity states that two objects traveling in opposite directions passing each other is the equivalent to one object traveling at twice its actual velocity, but the other one standing still.

With everyone moving, where do I go?

It's just how I roll

7/9/10

I am bored.

I need to start forcing myself to study. But I also want to finish the movie.

focus. at least for this week.

I've hung up the Vuvuzela of Glorious Victory. Now it's official that it's destiny is to celebrate the end of my SPM.

I've always liked the idea of having that one special person to call up and celebrate with. Oh well, I bet Edison liked the idea of finishing the lightbulb on a first try

It's just how I roll

5/9/10

I'm confused as to your motives. You get rid of me whenever I'm around.

In fact, until everyone else turns you away, you don't even acknowledge my existence.

And now that I've got something else to do when you're doing all this, you want to get all upset about it. I wouldn't call yours magnificent, to say the least. But I don't go around telling to your face how much I hate him. Instead, I still agree to play third wheel on your dates.

It's okay if you don't like her, I can deal with it. You can say you don't like her, but it doesn't have to end every sentence.

It almost seems like I'm only a burden to you whenever I'm happy.

It's just how I roll

1/9/10

Awesome bday. Liek srsly.

This is my first post from my new Macbook, in all it's awesomeness. Also, I love you guys who all wished me :D

So yeah, I'm still walking on air. I. Am. Awesome.

It's just how I roll