1/7/10

It's nice to be wanted. I have friends who actually need me and occasionally want me around. We have a nice system. It's all good.

My dear me of two years back, hold on. Just keep holding on.

Storyboarding ideas for the astro thing is not easy. Dammit, how I wish I could be commited.

I'm saying goodbye to another large chunk of my life. That's happening alot lately. Hopefully, this is a good thing. It's just sad letting go, you know?

ah, it's time to stop worrying about the shadows and start focusing on the light. Or something to that effect.


Losing the battle for power

27/6/10

sorry, this post is gonna be very distracted. Germany vs England. 2 -1.
and now 4-1.

I'm curious as to what I wanted to post. oh well, nothing now.
But I posted my new movie already. In actuality, it would have been much nicer as just a suit-up scene. but oh well, loved it anyways. Fun experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdLlC-6S3AA

25/6/10

Today was depressing.
I did badly for alot of my tests, again. Went through a major depression phase. Smashed the correction tape to tiny little pieces. Sharp ones. Alia caught one of the pieces and refused to return it to me >.<

Frustrated later on because everyone's busy with their own thing. A bout of melancholy, too.
Nostalgia a bit.

Something someone said is lingering in my head, not in the good way.
Alot of people's patience is running thin with me. Others just never cease to be impressed with me.

I guess it's a question of who am I going to listen to, eh?

having no human outlets sucks at times. Most of my guy friends are busy and alot of the girls are getting annoyed that I make little progress. at least they're not as concerned for my health when I'm planning something.

On another note, I have an RM15o footstool for prom. whoop-de-fucking-do
Losing the battle for power

24/6/10

I'm sad.
I've started doubting everything and everyone around me.

You know what's funny about a wheel? even if you spin it the other way, you still create a cycle.
Misery, hope, dissapointment. 3 common events happening in my life, one after the other.

I hate being a failure. Knowing that any effort I pour in is wasted anyways. I mean, why try, right?
Or that the only empathy you get is from the correction tape you smash into the ground.

So, my confused readers, what do I want?

I want that feeling, where you can look at even the most random thing, and just smile at a person because somehow, it has another meaning.

I want to be wanted. I want someone to actually say for once, "God, I wish Amirul was here,"

I'm melancholic, I'm whiny, I'm self-destructive. Whenever the world doesn't get in my way, I do. All the winning traits of a priceless gem like me.

I wonder where all my boundless confidence has gone.




Losing the battle for power

19/6/10

Every cloud has a silver lining.
I admit, at first I was distraught when I was told I was the least liked out of them. But finally, it struck me. I was given immortality. I don't have to WORRY about how much the others like me anymore, because they never did in the first place.

I've been using alot of 'Wh' words lately. Why? Who? and my two most recent, Whiny and Whore.
I'm sorry, there's no other way to describe it.

Other than shooting squad.

Losing the battle for power

17/6/10

You know, i've almost forgotten how much fun it is to be cynical. Or a jerk, for that matter.
While it's not good all the time, tender moments like these are just plain awesome.

Losing the battle for power

16/6/10

Let me think about it.
I would love to hear you say those words again. With feeling.

I would like to be an important part of your life again, but clearly that's not happening.

So many things in life we wish we could change. But rarely does it ever happen.

So sick of being the odd one out. So sick of being shoved into the sidelines. So sick of never being good enough.



Losing the battle for power