21/7/10

I'm awesome.
That's right, folks, I said it. I-am-awesome.

Let's list down the reasons why:
-I come up with crap in a second. I've been able to make movie after movie after movie.
-I have a tv station in my head. 'Nuff said.
-I can't shut up. I have a consistent flow of ideas.
- I can throw my 100% into something to make it awesome, and my 110% to make it awesom-er
- When I DO study, it works
- I can be asked to do stuff and I get it done.

Yes, my haters, I am in love with myself. And that's okay.
BITE ME

Part 3: self-motivator of my own woes

In what is hopefully the finale of my saga of depression, maybe I'm just bored. Everything's fallen back into a cycle and I'm back in a slump.

Meeting you was the biggest play changer so far. and that's not going too well.

But I think the only way I'm going to ever get my self-esteem back is if I remind myself how awesome I am. And I AM awesome. I just need to remind myself why.
And to all my haters out there:

"It's not being arrogant if you're better than them"- Melor

or something like that. I probably won't change. I WILL have to fix some of my issues, but a humble-hippie-Amirul is impossible. For as long as there are stupid people in the world, there is an Amirul telling them they will fail at life.

Cus that's how I roll.

Part 2 20/7

On a happier note, I love you guys.
My bro who keeps slapping me to wake up, my awesome best friends. It sounds gedik giler, but you guys put up with alot of crap from me alone. And you guys are going through much worse things than a little girl drama.

Especially the dudes who can listen to me ramble. I don't know why, but I really have issues with shutting up. I guess some comments can't be kept to myself. THEY SHOULD BE SHARED.

Let's face it: If my life had no drama, it'd be boring. I'm just glad I have people to share it with, I guess.

Losing the battle for power

20/7/10

what is hate?
where does it come from?
if anything, where is the logic in it?

The truth is, there is no logic in emotion. Hate is fuelled by broken dreams, green eyes and knives covered in spinal fluid.

I got a good sounding off for how I behave at times. It was nice to get a little honesty. While I will try to change, I still wonder at why survival depends on me conforming to what others want me to be.

My self-esteem is an awesome football player. It constantly takes one for the team. I'm in a dimensional grey area. I don't belong anywhere, now that I think of it.

Everything I do, it has it's reasons. A sharp tongue is my version of being capable of ripping through shirts by flexing my muscles. An arrogant view of the world is how I keep people from picking at this empty shell no one needs to see.

So there's alot of things I won't change. I guess I'm just not into the idea of being nice for people who wouldn't do the same for me. No one bothers saying "Let's see it from his point of view,"

Of course not, retard.

I'd really like for you to see who I am. I would. But I don't want to push you away. What do I do?

In summary, with all this going on inside of me, I guess my excuse for hating is that it's just how I lash out. So yeah, that's about it.

Losing the battle for power

19/7/10

Why do we make wishes?

Why do we hope that, against all odds, for no price, something will happen?
Why do we look up to the sky and hope for something?

For some, I think the magic is simply in hoping. That small belief that it may happen simply because you asked nicely will make it happen.
Escapism is a more common thing than you think, dear reader.

For others, it's a sense of control. When you think about it, it all originates from the fact you're asking for something for free.

The world really is a puzzle to me at times.
Losing the battle for power

Part 2

I'm screwing up left, right and centre. Why? cus that's how I roll.

The events of today have lead me to asking myself alot lately: Who am I?

Am I defined by the people around me?
Or am I defined by my actions?

I'm no intellectual, that's for sure.
Unfortunately, the mindlessly happy isn't me either.

So what am I?

I want to know. Badly.


Losing the battle for power

16/7/10

I think we're in love.

Don't mind that sudden random outburst.
She suddenly started questioning my existence today. Asking why I hang around her, what I see in her.
It's been 4 years, we know nothing about each other.

Someone else asked me the same question today.
It gets me thinking as to what happened.

Could they have fought for any reason?
What could instill so much insecurity in the both of them?

Or is it me?

Femininity confuses me


Losing the battle for power