27/10/10

And as I clambered down the pit, I looked around me.

The skies, in cinders filled, choked my lungs as my descent met their rise.

The beast was upon me now. For so long, I had sat and waited, I had dared to dream of what would happen when it was over.

Already I could see clean sunlight behind the creature.

But the girth of this creature deceived my eyes,.

For it was a good long way away from me, and the sweet sunshine.

I looked down. My descent should near its end, and the searing heat of the charred floor would be all that greeted me.

For after this was done, only one of us would have seen the sky that day, the other locked in a room of trophies.

I thought of everything I had passed to get here, every serpent, every fiery pit.

Licking my lips, I could feel the thirst inside me build up.

It was a few days walk from here. But I promise you, I will get there.

It's just how I roll

22/10/10

It would be nice to have someone know everything about me. And then find it the most attractive thing ever at how much effort I can put.

Realistically speaking, things are back to abnormal in my world. my set of rules seems to govern a lot of things. Perhaps, when conditions are more favorable, we can give this another go. Until then, I really should get some sleep. Supposed to study tomorrow.

It's just how I roll

16/10/10

Fate is a cruel thing. I'm not even going to bother saying it, but it's annoying.

I mean, you find someone just like you, and she has to leave. :/

I guess this is going to be a toss from scratch.

I know I can say alot of things, but I must seriously admit

I will miss you. I mean, you're every person I hoped to find.

And you're leaving.

Bravo, you really know how to pick 'em.

In other news, I recently started looking at things optimistically.

After all, as crappily as my romantic situation is right now, I'm still going to get a new start next year. I guess I can look to that.

But I find this whole leaving issue tampering with my thought cycles. Perhaps I just need to find my center again.

It's just how I roll

15/10/10

I like you.

It's strange to say, and it's probably going to be my downfall. But yeah.

I don't know how to explain it.

I am a megalomanic, cynical and to some, even scary person. Yet somehow, I feel a little more optimistic around you. I like being around you. Somehow, it makes me feel that I'm not the only person in the world with a biased view of the world.

And although I am probably sure you don't entirely approve of my methods in getting what I want (that is, elaborate schemes) I think it's worth a shot. Thank god, you're never gonna read this.

And if you like me too, I'd like you even more :D

That aside, sometimes I wonder if my insecurities are in my head. That chest-tearing nervousness in approaching you, before I can talk to you, that makes me just run away.

It's just how I roll

14/10/10

Often, a big step sends a shockwave, that makes it all the harder to stand, let alone walk.

What is the reaction of the man who looks in the mirror for the first time? Who is he looking at, that has taken such an interest in him?

I took a very big step recently, coming face-to-face with a problem. And all that I've learned from it is chronology sucks. Screw the 4th dimension.

I guess I'm just down that I officially sealed the door of me getting a date to prom. In a way, I faced a problem and wouldn't let it get the better of me. It sounds childish, yes, I'm currently no better than the juniors, but it was just something that mattered, y'know?

I mean, I always pictured this amazing way to end 5 years of nothing but constant change. And as great as it is to be spending it with my bros, the thought of it turning out like IU scares me.

Only good news is I won't have any juniors to babysit.

I guess I was asking for it. I tried skipping a step ahead hoping that the laws of induction would kick in.

Even if you're not coming with me, I'm gonna win you over.

It's just how I roll

Special Occasions

Alot of times, people are asked how they would contribute to the world. Although generally, the opinions of accused psychopaths are never taken into account, I've prepared my list on how I would fix this messed up hell-hole.

A: Magnesium Cigarettes

this is going to test your chemistry a bit. Nothing else, just a pure cylinder of magnesium, to offer to smokers. You can cover it in Nicotine if you want, it will attract them.

Just sayin, it would put them off smoking for a while, if not forever.

Not guessed yet? If my chemistry is correct, Magnesium reacts violently with heat, and will most definitely give them a blast.

B: Vigilante Laws

Let's face it, folks, you wanna stop crime? you have to make THEM afraid of YOU. This is a not-so-subtle message to our good friends in the powdered wigs, too.

In any situation where a person is in danger, say a snatch thief, it should be perfectly legal for an outsider to stab him. Or run him over. Or Even be sadistic about it and chop him up. Hell, all three would be good.

Right now, it seems our laws are catering to the CROOKS, not the victims. Oh, let them go about doing what they want, you change how YOU do things. Bullshit. If anything, I wouldn't mind stalking a neighbourhood with a butcher's knife tracking the fuckers down.

Remember, even attacking ONE of them is a dent. Every other person who isn't brain dead then starts wondering if they'll be stuck with a similar psychopath.

C: VIP Punishments

At some point, it should have been clearly stated that a leader serves those he leads. Not quite the other way around. Democracy, as it is also known. But since we're not going to hope everyone is equal, I think every form of punishment should be somehow augmented for anyone with a fancy name.

I mean, isn't that what we call justice?

D: Neutralities

I'm just sayin. Alot of people get their entire life views from newspapers. With that in mind, it's not fair of anyone to take advantage of the sheer power in a newspaper. In my ideal world, newspapers should be unbiased, as that's the whole point. To find out WHAT happened, not stories of the day-to-day activities of VIPs.

That's all I can think of for now. Too busy rehearsing executions in my head.

It's just how I roll

13/10/10

What up, people.

My trials are now OVER, which means that I'm at the last phase of my hill called the road to SPM.

Trials

Mid-term SPM

Various Intervensi FREEDOM, BITCHEZ

As shown in Diagram 1.

I've come to terms with the fact I don't have a date to prom, and I've decided I should just spend the last party with my classmates with my bros, and not anyone else.

You know, it's hard facing the fact everyone's leaving next year. I mean, Chang and Manisha, I'm sure we can catch up for coffee on weekends or something like that. But for Melor, Yan, well, that just makes me kinda tear. Never cry, though. thought you had me, eh?

Guess it's time to spend what time I have left, then :P

after all, it's not like I'm a stranger to being alone.

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Btw, this video could jolly well replace analgesics FOREVER.

Now, time to play some starcraft.

It's just how I roll

10/10/10

Pardon my skepticism, but I don't see anything special about 10/10/10. I mean, it's cool to see it, to just write the number 10 over and over again, but I don't get this whole 'perfect day to fall in love' crap.

Finally bought Adib's present today. I must say, for all intents and purposes, I am AWESOME.

Found out why Ashley hasn't been around. She went to AUSTRALIA. Oh well, here's to hoping she comes back soon, I must admit it gets kinda boring without watching her try to wrap her brain around the fact I exist.

Tomorrow is physics, and I think I feel good about it. Fingers crossed, I guess.

Accidentally closed an msn window with a message from hann before I could read it. From the half second I saw it, it seems like she's mad about something. S-C-R-E-W-E-D

SNSD's Japanese Gee mv seriously has some cute charm to it. As in, SERIOUSLY cute shit.

Okay, better either start on my tuition homework or read physics. *sighs*

Is it just me, or has this weekend seemed longer than usual?

It's just how I roll

9/10/10 \ 10/10/10

Before I say anything, let it just go for the record: I beat the a.i on starcraft 2 for once. In a REALLY long match. exhausting, seriously. After trying so many tactics to wipe out my enemy, I learned it really is the only acceptable zerg strategy: Rushing. Using most of my resources to build a fucking huge army full of hydralisks, backed up by Brood Lords and Mutalisks, and the bases fell like dominoes.

Aside from that, I've been doing some thinking. I think I'm not as alone as I thought I was. Some people I would have never imagined myself calling friends say I've really left an impression on them. Such as an entire world of amazing video games. Or just being sick in the head. Heh.

and you know, although they don't always hang around me, it's nice to have friends. They respect my coming-and-goingness, and generally pick up the pieces whenever I feel like falling apart.

Then there's my bros. These dudes and dudettes seriously, are made of pure win. I don't know how I would have survived this year without them either pushing me higher, pulling me higher, or just joining me and sitting back.

As stupid as it seems, doesn't mean I'm not giving up on my little mission. Remember my list at the beginning of the year?

AMIRUL'S GOALS FOR 2010

1) I will inspire at least one person
2) I will fall in love
3) I will successfully get through my god-damned-exams
4) I will learn to fucking drive
5) At least one person will say 'it's not the same without Amirul' and mean it
6) I will make a difference [√]
7) I Will Accomplish all goals by the end of the year

one goal down. 6 more to go.

Yeah, I guess I do kinda feel loved.

It's just how I roll

8/10/10

Mom pulled out a nice surprise for me: Starcraft 2. Now, it's no surprise that I suck at strategy Games. Laying out plans, no problem. Executing them, not as great. Especially when you're holding off stupid Terran while you're manually hatching your army.

Still, nothing more satisfying then watching them scream when you rush them. Pure. Epic. Win.

The sports commentary has stopped in my head as week two draws to a close in the saga that is SPM trials. Thankfully, I've got 3 whole days to read up on my experiments and 2 whole days to get the hang of physics. Hopefully, I pull through this one.

BTW, my newfound ability to communicate telepathically with Chang is epic. Though it doesn't have practical uses, it's still funny to both bitch about how sucky chem was.

On top of all my random crap today, it was looking for a dream house with Melor. Till we realised it'd be a bad idea to have kids without a source of income xP

Hmm, wonder what Ashley's up to. I think it's time I take Chang's advice and play it the fun way, instead of overanalyzing everything.

It's just how I roll

7/10/10

If ever there was a relaxing study session, that was it. A quick run through electrochem (shocking, really xP) and re-uniting with my good buddy the Contact Process (can I say it, please?)

Yeah, cus we've been out of contact since the last exams (WHAT UP)

So, i'm terribly fucked for sejarah. Advice for any bright-eyed junior who has accidentally found the digital corner of my mind: Study. two days in advance.

With the exams rolling along, it's all hands on deck for us. So yeah. Considering how well we get to studying, that also means lots of talk about sex, Kyuhyun, SNSD, Left4Dead, Halo, that awesome thing @ Deadpool, and the word "screwed".

I'm just an optimistic little thing, aren't I?

It's just how I roll

2/10/10

Life is a funny thing. The more you ask for something, the less you get it. I've been having a rough half a month, and you have never once seemed to care. You blow me off every chance you get, and then complain if I spend a little time with my friends who actually listen when I have something to say.

Then, against lots of advice telling me not to, I decide to help you. And you know what I get in return? a lecture about how I'M the bad guy for wanting to feel like more of an actual friend than your lap dog. Speaking of which, you send me out to do your shopping, and shush me for an airhead who can't tell her head from her ass, and you wonder why I'm taking more strolls by myself?

If you didn't like any of them as much as you say you do, why would you even BE with any of them

If you have something you want to say to me, go on and say it. I'm sick of how I'm the one treated like shit and yet I'm always the one apologizing.

I get it- you have your own issues, too. But just once, I'd like you to actually care about what's going on in my life. It's bad enough every time you replace me with a Sea World exhibit or babylonian citizen, it's even worse that I just keep my mouth shut and let it slide.

It's like, you're completely oblivious to who I am. Or that I AM another person. Or have I lost so much of your respect I don't even deserve being treated like one?

Do you honestly think I spend my entire day next to my phone waiting for you to call?

I've woken up at ungodly hours to listen to you when you're depressed. You'll barely let me finish my sentence.

I have been listening to you talk about how great he is, sometimes I'd even have the courtesy to ask you about you guys. I can't even MENTION any of the girls I meet. It's like, a taboo. Unheard of.

Hell, I'm not expecting you to be just like me. (that'd be creepy. Rule no.4: No Amirul clones) but it would be nice to actually be treated like a person again. Instead of some man-servant you hired.

Here's some food for thought: I can spend an entire day with everyone acting like I dont exist. How would I expect to be treated by my best friend?

It's just how I roll

1/10/10

I'm worried.

Have all my efforts to bring you closer only pushed you away for good?

I know we have drastically different opinions on a variety of things (by the way, I still say my use of evil schemes isn't foul play until I slit someone's throat) but you and I, we're actually more alike than you can imagine.

Not talking to you, not being with you, it's driving me up the wall. Being brushed aside, that's even worse.

You know, it would help a great bunch if I never had to announce my depression. It would make everyone's comments seem a little more... sincere. It would also help if I had a healthier vent for my frustration. I don't think channeling it through violent video games is very good.

But what can I do? it seems like no one bothers actually listening to MY issues, so yeah.

It's just how I roll