31/1/10

Dear you.

If distance makes the heart grow fonder, then it couldn't possibly add to how I feel about you right now. I don't know how to put it in words, but being around you makes me feel better. You may think me a liar, a cheat and any other horrible adjectives that come into your mind, but truth be told, the thought of seeing you soon drags me on through the days.

You have no idea, but you have picked up my pieces and even made me a little more... pleasant about the world. Sure, I'm a jerk (let's face it, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't) and I'd be insane (I am) to think that someone like you would even like an unstable train wreck of curse words, insults and sci-fi.

I'm sorry if I seem obsessive at times, I really am. My mouth moves faster than my brain, and most of the things I do seemed like a good idea at the time.

You make me skip in public singing old songs that warrant weird stares. you've made me happier than i've been in a long time. you make me want to be a better person for you. It bites big time when I get struck by paranoia that you may be avoiding me or that I've annoyed you with my irrational behaviour.

I guess I'm just saying, I'm not good at getting people to like me. it's not something I've been able to successfully do in a long time.

Come to think of it, this entire note is the result of paranoia.

Lamentations of a lonely psychopath.

It's just how I roll

28/1/11

Relationships.

Not just the boyfriend-girlfriend kind, mind you.

That familiarity between two people. It's interesting to watch.

How Adib gives his sis 110% of his support, it's really inspiring.

I was also looking at how much progress Kris and SuAnne have made in the past few weeks. You know, how much faster it is than me and Ash?

I really wonder/hope/will actually scream if she likes me back. Even if she only told me after Vday, (I'm alone 365 days a year. Just cus some moron chose that day to increase the price of flowers, doesn't make a day anymore special) I'd still be cool with it. All I want is for it to be there.

I'm hoping you're thinking the same thing as I am, because it would REALLY suck to find out this was another hallucination.

It's just how I roll

23/1/11 (the actual day)

Lemme get it off my chest that being sick SUCKS. my nose is blocked, I have a sore throat.

Spent the day with Dush, Chang and Maxim. Doom 3 is an epic game, regardless of it's lack of assasinations and sniping. Also, re watched Gulliver's Travels. Not the same without Ashley to cuddle with. /sighs, I wish she'd give me a sign. Or was up front about it.

Tomorrow I have class D: Thank god it's nothing heavy-duty yet. Like Farts or design. Crap.

I feel like gushing about ashley and how much I miss her, but I know it's only gonna make it hurt when she says no =.=

blek, that's life I guess.

It's just how I roll

23/1/11

Things of importance happening today:

Spent a lot of today talking to Yan. Great to hear she's having a great time :)

I also learnt that often, when you miss someone, even hearing from them makes you forget all about it, even for a moment.

Aside from the fact my throat hurts and my nose is blocked, I managed to press through some more designs for CFR. I actually feel great he's telling me to re-do them, rather than failing me. just means more effort, mirul. Keep going.

Realised something about some friends. They are awesome. I mean, Kris is so far the only person I know capable of talking watchmen and Marvel with me. As in, properly. Kenzo (although not as enthusiastically) spazzes about Kpop. He doesn't talk fashion with me though. Yet.

And now, for the icing on the cake. I was right.

I know, I'm mean. This is cruel, but I was right. I'm fucking brilliant :D

Now, to hope I'm right about ashley....

Speaking of which, Vday is coming up, and I have no plan. Hurm.

It's just how I roll

18/1/11

To describe today. Hurm.

Well, it started with meeting Hann to go to hartamas and collect some paperwork. It was nice seeing the juniors, and it felt good telling the teachers I'm doing something I love.

Although at first I was bummed cus I didn't see Ashley, I marched onwards.

After that, breakfast at HSC with Hann too.

Originally, I was pretty down. Didn't see ashley, only talked to regine for a minute and off to the bank to do business. Then, she smses me :)

just hearing from her again was great.

After that, 2v2s with Chang in starcraft again. We made a TZ combo, calling it Doomikazops

Basically, it combines my doom worm with his Kamikazops where he masses ghosts into an area to nuke it to hell and I use their line of sight to plant Nydus Worms in the base, effectively getting rid of many structures. Did I mention Roach/Hydralisk is awesome?

Then I logged back on to see 2 awesome things: SNSD's new mv, Visual Dreams, and Melor online. Honestly, I almost forgot how lonely it is without her.

Emo thoughts aside, that was my day.

It's just how I roll

14/1/11

Lang & Comms starting soon. should get ready.

Yesterday was an awesome day. Although figure studies was hell, I just went crazy with Kenzo and Kris making stupid jokes about everything that came our way.

I noticed something last night: my life is all set up. Although college isn't as pressuring as hartamas is to have someone, my life conditions are such that it could sustain a relationship, with some added tweaking. I've got somewhere to escape to, a free day and weekend (although that may be subject to change) and I still have time for my hartamas friends.

all that's missing is the girl xP

Anyone reading this, auditions are open. applications can be sent in to 012-3429762

kidding. And that's not a real number.

Frankly, I have someone in mind already. The thing is, I've been having mass paranoia and I'm not sure how much of it is true and how much is just in my head.

Being a psychopath has it's downs

It's just how I roll

12/1/10

To correct my last post, it was drawing class today, not figure studies. Figure studies is tomorrow (wish me luck!)

Finally at the 75% mark for my assignment. Just those fucking bottom tabs.

Tricha got accepted into our class, so YAY!

Here's some self reflection:

I am a cruel person. I have been known to say spiteful things, and just sit in a corner and brood about how I hate the world. But somehow, that spite is what makes me a productive person. I don't nearly make as many memorable quotes when I'm trying to be optimistic, and I guess my spite towards others is just self-defence. A very VIGILANT self-defence, but still.

So if I'm particularly mean about you...

It's just how I roll

11/1/11

ah, a double-faced day.

On one hand, Melor leaves for College today :(

While I hope she has fun and such, I'm gonna miss spazzing with her and being her stray cat.

2 years is a long time in friendship terms. I hope she gets back so we can all hang out again :D

Btw, Fart is a stupid subject xP

I have always sucked at drawing straight lines, and now I have a class dedicated to it.

Oh well, assignments soon. Stupid thing. Taking principal's challenge too.

I WILL get better.

On the positive note, met up with maxim for lunch/ goofing off in the afternoon. He's getting along with Regine pretty well. and even though it was to be told off, it was great hearing from ashley again.

Figure studies tomorrow. Wish me luck?

It's just how I roll

10/1/11

I coulda sworn I had another post about college already. Oh well. After almost a week of college, things are starting to fall into place. Trying to help Tricha with her problem, because having a girl in the group= win.

Lets see if I can describe the lovely people I met:

Amalya (or however I'm supposed to spell it. Go fish) :

So far, she's like my older sis on campus. She also happens to be older than my older sis at home. Pretty fun to talk to, the fact she can talk to me about bioshock exalts awesomeness.

Kenzo:

The group ninja. Kidding. He seems to like all things awesome like Assasin's Creed, gaming in general, drums and techno. So yeah. He's also -wait for it- a SONE. THAT'S RIGHT, I AM NOT ALONE!

Kris:

So far, the one auditioning for my college bro. Loves all things Tron, Halo and girls. Pretty laid back, so he's fun to chill with on a lazy day.

Tricha:

I don't know, she's just really REALLY cute at times. She's pretty interesting to talk to, although her vampire obsession rivals my Kpop. Mac purist and looks good in shorts. (hope she doesn't read this xP) also, shopping buddy.

I cant describe SueAnn or Hana much because I frankly don't know them very well xP but yeah. That's the gang so far.

I'm very, very much annoyed. I get it that you can't make it, but this makes the god-knows-how-many-eth time you've chosen to cancel on me. Seriously, it's annoying looking forward to something every day and then not being able to have it happen. But I guess I should just be used to it already.

It's just how I roll

3/1/11

for a day I spent 99% of in front of the com, I was pretty productive today. Started blueprints on the Rosie costume, albeit very simple. Also tried thinking of a ventilation system for said suit (no need to further exalt my stupidity after wearing a styrofoam box on my head).

So much for going shopping with hann tomorrow, seeing as she failed to reply any of my messages, I probably cant get a ride out of the house anymore. blek. And Maxim is otherwise occupied. So my college starts in 33 hours, and I have no de-stress sessions with friends to calm my nerves.

I'm sure she has a good reason though. I mean, the stress of college hunting and stuff. speaking of which,

FREAKING. OUT. BIG TIME.

Seriously. I know change is inevitable, but it's still scary. Charz did nothing to inspire me, but I guess that's why she's awesome. Awfully blunt. I'm just, scared. Everyone's closed their eyes and jumped into the future. Yan's off chasing her dreams, Chang's becoming the person he wants to be. Melor's off to show the world what she's got soon.

I guess I'm afraid to be "that's amirul. He's trapped in one frame of time".

I guess Chang's coming back soon, and Melor promised we'd keep in touch. If not, I can always re-read that note she put in my sketchpad (cus it's so sweet :) )

And when Yan comes back in august, I will wear the Rosie suit to the airport.

Manisha had to harpoon me out of the clouds just now. Need to get my grip on reality. Nothing's set in stone just yet.

It's just how I roll

2/1/11

I can straightly say I had a good day today :)

went out for a movie with Ashley and Alex. And I can honestly say that I'm a sucker for hugs. Ash seems to be making a real effort to like the stuff me n Alex like (model-building, video games. If I ACTUALLY got her into starcraft, I think her hotness just escalated 25000%) Seriously, I love how open she is to just sitting around and bitching about stuff. And she's fun to be around. especially when karaoke is involved xP

Chang's been neutralized for the next 2.5 months. I honestly say I'll miss him, he's a good friend. Even though he doesn't share my world views, he knows when a person just wants to vent.

Hann's in the mindfucked slot now. I keep thinking I've pissed her off or something, and it's driving me up the wall. I hope it's all in my head.

It's just how I roll

1/1/11

welcome, orbital cycle 'A.D' 2011.

Sorry i'm posting this late, was busy all night. Making a video with Maxim and Dush (have you checked it out? it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azYkdRzOouo )

My memories of the last orbital cycle?

Things that happened in 2010:

-I learned I couldn't fly

-I finally got noticed by others for making movies

-I sat for a nightmarish public exam

-I made guy friends

-I ACTUALLY stayed up for the Fifa World Cup

-I learned that sometimes, we just need to remember why we're awesome and the emo just disappears

-I fell head-over-heels in love with SNSD (and learnt all their names)

-I got a PS3

-Nope, still single.

-I learned to hate myself a little less

-I got to spend time with awesome people (Shiv, Yan, Alia, Melor and Manisha to name a few)

-I started meeting new people

But all in all, I don't think I have a theme that this year ran along. other than possibly just challenges.

hopefully 2011 brings a little more sunshine into my grey little corner of the world.

It's just how I roll